


Aftermath

by firenewt



Category: Compilation of Final Fantasy VII, Crisis Core: Final Fantasy VII, Final Fantasy VII
Genre: Angst, Drama, F/M, Multi, Other
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-02-07
Updated: 2015-03-14
Packaged: 2018-03-11 00:01:38
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 17
Words: 36,052
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3308108
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/firenewt/pseuds/firenewt
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After the events of ACC, Rufus, Reeve and the few remaining Turks are trying to rebuild their lives. But they all have demons to deal with, some more literal than others. Memories, lost loved ones, grief and regret haunt them. Will there be a chance for new beginnings, or will their final destruction come from within themselves?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

Chapter 1

Rude swore under his breath as his foot came down on something slippery. He gave a little hop, and caught his balance before a slip became a stumble, and a twisted ankle. As he stood there for a second and adjusted his dark glasses, he glanced furtively around to see if anyone had noticed. The street was crowded and noisy. Debris littered the ground: garbage, organic matter, and the ever-present loose stones and bits of masonry that were almost impossible to escape in Edge. 

People pushed past him. Even now, the dark suit and tie of a Turk commanded respect. Men avoided looking him in the face. Women grabbed their children out of his path and kept a distance. The children were the only ones who dared look at him directly, and then with curiosity and wariness. He gave a small sigh. Rude was proud of his job, his position. And a healthy dose of fear went a long way to making it easier. But sometimes, sometimes, he wished for that wall between the Turks and the common people to be less tangible. He still had hope that a time would come when he and his few remaining colleagues would be viewed in a more favourable light, instead of as threats. 

No one seemed to have noticed his little mishap. His gaze swept across the crowd one last time as he moved on… and stopped. Someone had noticed. Someone dared to actually stare at him. He could feel it. His senses zeroed in on the boy who stood half hidden beside a stall selling dumplings and noodles. Rude kept moving forward. 

Without being obvious, he noted the shaggy black hair falling over the boy’s forehead and mostly obscuring his eyes; the ill-fitting jacket; the patched trousers. How old was he? Fifteen? Sixteen? Old enough to remember the plate dropping. Old enough to resent Shin-Ra, and the Turks, and the devastation they had brought to the Planet. Old enough to perhaps want to do something with all those youthful feelings of injustice and hostility.

Rude altered his course slightly. His many years of experience said this was a person to be cautious of. A little proactive talk with a young man feeling his oats would go a long way to preventing trouble in the future. It had to be done. 

Again, the sense of separation. Again, a reminder that the past was not dead. It made Rude feel old and tired. 

But the boy seemed to immediately pick up on his intent. Without moving, he seemed to fade backward, become part of the scenery. And, as Rude watched, he turned and disappeared behind the stall. 

Hmm. Rude frowned. He was too far away to have a good chance of chasing the boy down. He’d have to keep a lookout for him in the future. His trained mind filed away the picture of the boy’s face, his worn clothes… not much detail but enough to recognize him again.

As he continued on his way, something else tugged at Rude’s consciousness. He replayed the memory of the boy shrinking back, turning away… turning….. Rude almost tripped again. There was something very familiar about that movement. A dip to the left, the smoothness of the turn, a twitch of the hip…. that little twitch…. 

Rude stopped dead in his tracks. A man bumped him from behind, apologized profusely, was ignored. The noise around him faded as Rude went over that small detail again and again. Surely it was nothing. Or just coincidence. Wishful thinking. Anything! He must be wrong. He couldn’t let himself be distracted like this. Not again. 

He drew a slow, deep breath. Blew it out even more slowly. Carefully he started walking again. He had a job to do. He must focus on that. He would watch for the boy, of course. That would only be prudent. But he would leave the speculation for later. 

For the dark hours of the night when work was done, and he was alone, with the luxury…. or the torture…. of his memories.


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2

The coffee maker burped loudly. Reno smacked the top of it. “Damn thing! Why can’t we get a better one, yo!” The small appliance wobbled, then began to gurgle happily.

Rufus glared at him sleepily from the sofa. “Don’t you dare break it,” he growled. “I need my coffee.” 

“It’s working now,” Reno eyed the machine suspiciously and went to sprawl next to his boss. He was not a morning person.

Rufus closed his eyes and turned his face into the sunlight streaming through the windows of Healin Lodge. Since he had been cured of Geostigma it seemed that he craved the sun. He still felt tired at times, but the feel of the light and warmth on his skin soothed and energized him. He had had enough hiding in the shadows for a lifetime. 

Reno, on the other hand, grumbled and snuffled and turned away. Rufus smiled slightly and breathed in the wonderful aroma of fresh coffee.

He heard a step and cracked an eye open to see Rude enter the main room. How could such a large man move so quietly? Rufus huffed a bit to himself. The Turks were all like that. Coming and going with hardly a sound, gliding like cats, appearing out of nowhere when you least expected them. He shifted on the couch, a small crease forming between his eyebrows. He didn’t like to think about that. 

“Yo,” Reno rolled his head along the back of the sofa to look at his partner. “That coffee done yet?”

“Just about,” Rude took three cups out of the cupboard. He made a face at the clumped, powdery creamer. At least they had some. Sugar, too. They were still better off than most. His hand paused above his own cup, though…. he left it black.

Silently, Rude handed a mug to Rufus, who sat up straight to take it in both hands, and passed a cup to Reno before taking his own and settling in a chair across from them. They sat quietly for a few minutes, each with his own thoughts, sipping the hot liquid; men who had been through so much with each other that a bare minimum of words now sufficed for communication. 

“Where’s Tseng?” Rufus asked.

“Collectin’ Reeve for the meeting this morning,” Reno answered. “They’ll be here soon, yo.”

“Mm.” Rufus buried his face in his mug for a long swig. 

“You’ll need to move it to be ready for them.” Unconsciously Rude straightened the crease of his pants. Reno snorted. “Fussy, ain’t ya.”

“Better than being a slob,” Rude turned his nose up at his partner’s permanently dishevelled state of dress. 

Rufus tugged at his own shirt. He knew he wasn’t at his best and that irritated him. The bigger Turk’s crisp suit and straight tie contrasted sharply with his own rumpled clothes and bed head. Tseng and Rude…. how did they always manage to look like they had just stepped away from a fashion shoot? “I’ll be ready,” he snapped. No way he would let himself be criticized for his appearance by Tseng, or…. or anyone else! The crease between his eyebrows came back, deeper this time. Gritting his teeth, he set his cup down hard and stood abruptly. 

Reno raised an eyebrow as Rufus strode out, heading down the hall to his bedroom. “What got up his ass, yo?…. besides the coffee?”

“Dunno,” Rude shrugged. “He gets like that sometimes. Always has.” He watched Reno stretch, rub the back of his neck and his face, ending with a huge yawn. 

“Yup,” Reno sighed. “Well. Gotta go get ready, too. Once Tseng’s back, me and Lainey’re headin’ out to do recon around the perimeter. Might not be back till tomorrow. You?”

“Following up on something in the city.” Rude drained his cup and rose. “Later,” he said, and left as quietly as he had come in.

Reno yawned again, then winced as he heard a thump and a curse from down the hall. “Comin’, Boss!” he called as he levered himself out of the couch, refilled his mug and grabbed a handful of fig newtons. Between Rufus and Elena, he’d need fortification for today.


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3

In the few days since Rude had last been out on the streets, he hadn’t slept well. His eyes were gritty, and the coffee he had drunk a few hours ago sat uneasily in his stomach. What he had told Reno was true: he did have some things to follow up on out here. He just hadn’t told him the whole truth. 

Now his path took him nearer to the neighbourhood he had been in the other day. The smell of dumplings drew him toward the food stalls. It was close to noon, and he hadn’t eaten yet. Perhaps something to nibble on before he left the area…. he didn’t want to acknowledge that he was looking for an excuse to spend more time here.

So he munched and wandered, staying on the edges of the crowd, checking out the merchandise being offered along the street. After all, what better way to get an idea of how the economy was recovering than to actually see what was being bought and sold, and for what price? Rude was very aware that what was visible here was only a fraction of what was available, but it was useful information nonetheless.

Food: not a great variety, and fairly costly, but a lot of it fresh. Fabric: no sign here of the silks from Wutai. Just cotton, wool and hemp; sturdy and cheap. Herbs for the pot, and for medicinal use: most people here had no access to better medical care anymore. Changing that was a priority for the WRO, he knew. Odds and ends, household goods, a few toys…. 

He passed the shop selling weapons and materia. The proprietor moved to stand in front of her door as he went by. She allowed a regular inspection of her premises, but not without making it clear she was unhappy about it. Rude ignored her belligerent expression and kept walking. He wasn’t interested in what she had to offer today.

Rude had reached the end of the street. Popping the last dumpling into his mouth, he wiped his fingers on a napkin and threw it and the paper container away. As he looked up, his eye was drawn to a dark blotch against a yellow background. Focusing, he saw a dark head bent to examine some material in front of the stall selling clothing and fabric.

As the person reached to lift a pile of clothes, and glanced up, Rude felt a shock run through his body. It was the boy from the other day. The boy recognized him at the same instant. Rude saw him jerk, then drop what he was holding and dart off down the street.

Rude broke into a run. The boy’s reaction was all wrong. Only people with something to hide ran at the sight of a Turk. His instincts were screaming; there was something about him that disturbed Rude, that made the hair on the back of his neck stand up, that had made him lose sleep for three nights in a row. He had to find out what it was!

With agility surprising for one of his size, Rude slid through the crowd, and broke free just in time to catch sight of the boy’s ragged shirt as he dodged down an alley. Rude jumped a pile of crumbling concrete and picked up speed. He knew where that alley led. He’d only have a few seconds to catch the boy before he made it to the other end and had a chance to vanish into the ruins of the city.

The boy was fast, but in the straightaway, Rude’s longer legs made the difference. He caught up at the end of the alley. The boy tried to head right and escape into the maze of ruins, but Rude tagged him and his momentum carried them forward and smashed them both into a concrete wall. 

The boy took the brunt of the impact and collapsed to the ground with the wind knocked out of him. Breathing hard, Rude reached down, caught the boy’s wrist and yanked him to his feet.

“Owww!” the boy finally sucked in a lungful of air and made a horrible whooping noise. He twisted in Rude’s hold, still gasping.

“What’s the deal, kid?” Rude asked, and shook him slightly. “Why run?”

“Gods….” The boy coughed. “Lemme go! Got…. got no beef with you, man!” His voice was rough and hard to hear. His head hung down and he clutched his chest with his free hand.

“You’re going to answer my questions first,” Rude shook him again, and tightened his grip. The boy gasped again, this time with pain. He had his feet under him now. Rude felt him shift his weight ever so slightly. He knew what that meant…. a preparation to send a kick into his knee or groin. 

Without letting go of his wrist, Rude whipped the boy around, pushing him face first against the wall and yanking his arm up behind his back. “Not going to work, kid,” he growled, crowding up against him. He could feel the boy’s whole body shaking as he reefed on his arm, but he made no noise. 

In a matter of seconds Rude had the binders on, both the boy’s wrists secured behind his back. “Let’s see what you’re hiding,” Rude grunted. “You been stealing? Running drugs?” Expertly, Rude ran his hands over the boy’s body, checking all the spots where a small package or weapon could be concealed…. girl. The boy was a girl? He could feel a binder, felt in front to confirm, then jammed his knee between his… her…. legs and ran his hand underneath, from back to front. Girl. Nothing taped and hiding under there. 

Fine. It wasn’t uncommon for girls to dress as boys. Rude continued his search, but couldn’t stop a tightening in his gut. He swallowed, concentrating on the job at hand.

“Tell me what you’re up to, kid,” he asked again. “Why attract my attention? Why make a target of yourself?”

“…. didn’t…… lemme go!” she moaned to the wall. Rude still couldn’t tell from the raspy voice that she wasn’t a male. 

“You did.” He finished his search, and took her upper arm, turning her around to face him again. He was careful to keep his side presented to her, in case she decided again to try kicking. Girls could be just as dangerous as boys, especially when they were cornered. Though with her arms bound behind her she wouldn’t get far. 

“Tell me. Or would you rather I take you in for interrogation?” She stood with her head down, refusing to look at him. He could still feel the tremors running through her, as if he had hit her with a jolt from an EMR instead of just using his hands.

With a flash of irritation, Rude realized he was staring at her, searching for some sign, something recognizable. Part of him just refused to stop hoping…. angry at himself, and at her for bringing such thoughts up again, he lost patience. He grabbed her chin with one hand, her hair with the other, and yanked her head back, forcing her face into the light. 

“Tell me!” he snarled at her. He vaguely registered that the unkempt hair wasn’t a wig. He let it go. She kept her eyes squinched shut, dark eyebrows furrowed. “Look at me!” he raised his voice further. “Open your eyes and answer me, damn it!”

His fingers dug into her chin and cheeks. “…..rrrr….hhrrrtss….” she gasped again.

“It’ll hurt a lot more if you don’t start cooperating!” He forced her head back until her skull hit the wall. “Now, talk!”

One eye opened halfway. Rude could see the dark brown iris, and his stomach dropped. He felt even more angry at his disappointment. His fingers clenched tighter, and the girl squeaked.

“….. dun……….. l’me go……… Rude…..” 

“….. what..?”

Slowly her other eye opened, revealing a deep amber colour. 

Rude stopped breathing. He felt himself starting to tremble, too. He desperately scanned the face before him…. dark brows, one dark eye, one that had lost its contact. He let go of her chin, and her features fell into place. Despite the bruises beginning to form, the dirt, and the darker skin, he could see the familiar nose, the cheekbones, the lips…..

“Cissnei……”


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4

Rude remembered to breathe. “Cissnei… I thought you were dead. We all thought….” He struggled to form some sort of coherent thought. “What….how….?” Finally one question surfaced from the turmoil in his mind. A question that had woken him countless times in the last three years, that burned in his heart and needed to be answered. “Why…?” 

She could hear the raw pain in his voice. Her head turned away, and Rude saw her eyes shut again. But she said nothing. Just stood there, arms bound behind her back, fine tremors still running through her body.

“Cissnei….. please…. I looked for you. Tseng ordered me not to, but I searched anyway! I’ve never stopped….. I hoped……. and you’re here…… why? Why did you leave?” His voice broke. “Why did you leave me? How could you……?” He never meant to say so much, but having her here, right in front of him, was such a shock.

“Rude. Let me go. You have to let me go.” 

The raspy voice didn’t fit with his memory of her. He shook his head. “What happened to your voice?” he asked. 

Cissnei turned slightly. “Please. My arms.”

“Ah…” He moved to release the binders, then hesitated. So close to her, after all this time. He could smell the dust on her clothes, hear her breathing. His hand closed around her wrist once more, this time gently. “If I take them off, will you run again?”

She didn’t even look at him. “What do you want from me?”

It was a good question. What did he want, after all this time? What did he expect? He swallowed. He released her wrist, undid the binders, and stepped back. He reached up and removed his glasses, wanting to look at her with no filter between them. Especially if it was to be the last time. 

Cissnei rubbed her wrists. Her right shoulder hunched a bit and her jaw clenched. She finally looked up, her expression bleak and blank. “You need to let me go,” she said again, and it was obvious she was referring to more than just the current situation. “Better that you forget you saw me today. I can’t give you any answers that will make you happy.”

“How can I forget?” he whispered. “I haven’t forgotten anything since the last time I saw you. How can I just leave you now?”

The early afternoon sun fell across Cissnei’s cheeks as she tilted her head back. Was it still just after noon? It felt like time had stopped, here at the end of this alley. Rude saw her throat move. She sighed, and finally seemed to relax. The shaking was gone. “I need to think,” she said. “Meet me here tomorrow at one.”

“Meet you here? And..?” The Turk was cautious, even in his hope.

“And we’ll see.” The ex-Turk was just as non-committal. “But,” she added, “wear something different. I won’t take a black suit beyond this point.”

“You promise you’ll be here?”

He saw the tiny quirk of her eyebrow. “You have my word. It’s still good for something.”

He nodded. “Tomorrow.” 

Cissnei stood as if waiting for something more. It took Rude a few seconds to realize that he had been dismissed. 

He slipped his glasses on, straightened his jacket and turned to go. The alley was hot and silent. Too silent. No sound but the slight crunching of his shoes on the dusty, cracked pavement. He glanced behind him. Cissnei was exactly as he had left her, her left hand holding her right wrist, watching him walk away.

He faced forward again and kept going. Seven more steps. He couldn’t resist looking back again.

She was gone.


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter 5

Rufus absently dropped a piece of bacon over the side of the table as he flicked the screen of his tablet to the next article in the morning news.

“Yo! Food on the plate or in yer damn mouth!” Reno barked. “Ain’t gonna clean that up for you, man!”

“What?” Rufus frowned at him for interrupting his Very Important Business.

“That’s good food, yo! Don’t throw it on the floor!” Reno huffed and pulled the rest of the bacon towards himself. He saw no reason to let any more of it go to waste.

Rufus looked down at his plate in mild confusion, then over the edge of the table at the bacon lying on the floor. His lips thinned. He reached down and picked it up, putting it on his napkin. “….. sorry. Habit. Dark…..” he trailed off, and sat staring at nothing.

Reno was silent. He dipped his toast into his egg and munched on it thoughtfully. It still surprised him when Rufus apologized for anything. He’d changed a lot in the last few years. “ Stands to reason you’d miss her, yo,” he observed neutrally.

“Mm.” The President’s face became closed, and he continued glancing through his updates. 

There was the sound of a door closing down the hall, and a few seconds later Rude joined them. Reno gestured with the remains of his toast. “Pull up a chair, partner. Eggs and bakey, wakey wakey!”

Rude poured himself some coffee and sat down with them. He helped himself to some toast and strawberry jam. He smiled a little to himself. Cissnei liked toast and jam.

“What’s up, yo?” Reno eyed him curiously. “That ain’t exactly uniform.” 

That caught Rufus’ attention. He looked up to see his fashion nemesis dressed in a worn black cotton jacket and khaki pants. A dingy olive t-shirt could be seen under the coat. No tie. No shades. No shiny shoes. He looked like he had just walked in from the town market. 

Battered boots shuffled uncomfortably under the table as the two other men stared at him. “Got something to follow up on,” he mumbled.

“That’s what ya said yesterday. Whatcha up to, yo? Tseng know ‘bout this?”

“You seem to always be in a hurry to leave lately.” Rufus put in his two gil. “Not having a proper breakfast.” This was something he disapproved of.

“I eat later.” Rude was starting to feel trapped. The toast was sticking in his throat. He gulped his coffee and immediately regretted it as it burned all the way down.

“Where?” Rufus asked.

“With who?” Reno stared at him.

“What’s this?” a deep voice added. 

Rude scrambled to his feet, cursing the heavy boots, and made a break for the door. He pushed past Tseng, who had just come in, and barrelled down the outside stairs, nearly running over Elena, who was puffing her way up with bags of groceries. 

Tseng raised an eyebrow at Reno as he put the kettle on to brew himself some tea. 

“Fill me in,” he said.


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter 6

For the third time in as many days Rude plunged into the busy market street, heading toward the stand that sold dumplings and the entrance to the alley that lay beyond it. This time was different, though. This time he was blending in with the crowd, instead of standing out. And this time he was nervous, something he never was, even when marked by his black suit. 

Of course, he was familiar with being undercover. A change of clothes diverted attention, and allowed one to pass unnoticed. He had added a knitted cap to his ensemble, and left his sunglasses off. Now, instead of people avoiding him, he was treated as one of their own: bumped and jostled, shouted at both to buy something and get out of the way. He even felt a sly hand attempt to dip into his pocket. In a flash he had grabbed the offender by the back of his collar and shaken him like a dog shaking a rat. A glare from him, a squeak from the boy, and Rude let him go. 

The contrast between walking through the streets in his Turk uniform and his current clothes was great. People had no compunction about looking at him now. He merited no special treatment while dressed as a common labourer. Except perhaps by the women who boldly eyed him up and down, telling him with a smile and a jerk of their heads that he was indeed worth their attention. He felt his cheeks warm as another hand reached for his pocket…. this one wasn’t looking for a wallet. He sidestepped and tried to increase his pace. 

It made him think of Cissnei. She had always been exceptional in undercover work, although with her colouring and natural bearing she stood out under normal circumstances. But she had made a huge error, a slip, in allowing him eye contact that day. He would never have noticed her otherwise. Or, had she done it on purpose? Anticipation and uneasiness whirled in his chest. Which was it? Why was she here? Why had she allowed him to catch her? Why had she left? So many questions.

The smell of the shrimp dumplings being offered today made his stomach fizz. Damn Reno and his big mouth! He would have liked to finish his breakfast in peace! But there was no time to think about that right now. It was almost one o’clock. His hunger died as he started down the alley; looking ahead, he saw it was empty. She wasn’t there.

His steps slowed as he neared the end of the alley and the concrete wall blocking the end. The signs of their scuffle from yesterday were still clear in the dust. At least he hadn’t imagined it all. His mouth twisted. He was a fool to have trusted her. She had been one of the best Turks, and she knew him well…. she knew exactly how to manipulate him…. 

Cissnei stepped around the end of the barrier. Of course. She wouldn’t stand out in the open and wait for him. Of course. His stomach calmed for a second, then seized up again. She was actually here. “You came,” he whispered.

“I said I would,” Cissnei squinted up at him. “Come here. Don’t stand there for everyone to see.”

“Oh!” Rude glanced back over his shoulder. She was right. They were in plain view. Quickly he followed her around the end of the wall. 

The ruins of the city began almost immediately. The first thing Rude noticed was that it was hot. And bright. There had been no attempt to clear the debris here, as there had in Edge proper. Huge concrete blocks, some intact and some crumbling, lay scattered about. Steel girders and rebar protruded like broken bones from the flesh of the stone. Heaps of trash blocked their way. Except for the sunlight and better air, it reminded Rude of being in the slums. 

Cissnei led him on a twisting path. He was glad he had worn proper gear as some of the footing was treacherous. Cissnei seemed to have no difficulties in her lighter desert boots. But then, he thought, she had always been so agile. And she obviously knew this place. He was glad he had caught her where he did the other day, before she had made it out here. Once past the end of the alley he would have lost her completely.

A mile in, the rubble thinned. There were more open spaces. There didn’t seem to be a normal street layout, but Rude could see there were paths worn in the dust that had built up on the cracked pavement. He was now able to look up more from watching where his feet were going. He scanned the area, memorizing it, noting potential shelter…. or places where an ambush might be waiting. They were sitting ducks out here. 

Or were they? The air seemed to shimmer more than would be explained by just the heat waves bouncing off the hot stone and concrete. Rude had paused…. now he hurried to catch up with Cissnei, who was waiting for him in the shade of a large block. He mustn’t let himself be distracted. This was new territory. No matter that it was she who was leading him into it; he needed to stay alert. 

He caught up with her. “Tell me about this place,” he said. 

“This is where I live now.” She looked up at him again. The contacts were gone today; he supposed it served no purpose to only wear one. It made him happy to see the clear, bright colour of her irises. He missed the way her hair would glow in the sun, on days like today, and wished he could see that again, too. The dull black drank the light and made her skin look sallow. Except for her eyes, she looked and sounded like a stranger. 

“You live….. here?” He looked about them. There was really nothing here. “Where?”

Cissnei pointed with her chin. “There.” 

Rude shaded his eyes. A darker area, set back toward where the mangled plate still stood. It was too far; he really couldn’t see anything distinctly but there were glints among the shadows. 

“This is the outer rim,” she said, her voice that harsh rasp that didn’t suit her.

“Rim?” Rim of what?

“Come,” She started walking again, and he fell into place beside her. “A buffer zone,” she clarified. “Open spaces, sentinel posts, interception points.” The military jargon came easily, and Rude could imagine they were on a mission again, in the old days, scouting, watching each other’s backs. And she was briefing him on the area.

It felt familiar. It felt good. But it also made him wary. Why would she use such language? Why treat this like it was a foray into a dangerous place? Was it dangerous? Was this how she lived her life, in a constant state of vigilance?

Or was she trying to warn him? Convey a message indirectly? Something occurred to him. “Are we being watched?” he asked, his eyes flicking over the seemingly empty landscape. 

“Yes,”

“Where?”

“The bunkers.” She coughed, and as her hand left her mouth, he noticed the quick gesture toward one of the large, low concrete blocks that dotted the area. His heart rate picked up. Truly like old times. He examined as much of the block as he could as they walked by. 

“Some have electronic monitoring, to scan the immediate area and transmit to a central station. Some are manned.”

He nodded, and glanced at her again. Her attention seemed to be on the horizon, but he knew her well enough to know that there was nothing in the surrounding area she wouldn’t notice. “Why?” he asked. What the hell was going on here that required such precautions? They weren’t at war anymore. There were no terrorists. There wasn’t even really a company to hide from anymore!

She was silent. He was starting to get irritated. His joy at finding her was turning to confusion and annoyance. “Cissnei…..” a bit of a growl crept into his voice.

She shoved her hands in her pockets and hunched her shoulders, veering slightly away from him. It was a small yet defensive movement. Rude shut his mouth. Cissnei of the Turks would not have reacted that way. Never. 

They passed another block….. another outpost, he supposed, trying to see how it differed from any other piece of concrete debris scattered around Edge. He could see nothing. Maybe she was lying to him. Maybe she just wanted him to think he was being watched. He felt a little sick. Would she do that to him? Did she mistrust him so much?

It had been a long time. He had no idea what she had been through. He had to accept anything as possible right now. He needed more information.

Rude slowed his steps, frowned. He heard something. Voices? It sounded like…. he glanced at Cissnei. Her head was up and her worn jacket flapped in a slight breeze. He knew she heard it, too. “It sounds like…. people…” he hesitated. “…. children.”

Cissnei blew her breath out. “Just there,” she said softly, and he followed her again. 

Another two hundred yards. They rounded a large pile of masonry and came to an open area. The source of the noise was immediately apparent. A group of about twenty children were in the middle of some sort of game, running and chasing each other and yelling, as children did everywhere. 

Rude didn’t know what to think. Kids playing? How ordinary. He looked for something else that might indicate why Cissnei seemed so nervous. There were three small buildings across from where they stood. In front of them were five or six smaller children, obviously too young to take part in the rough and tumble action going on near them but busy with their own little pursuits. He could see two adults with them…. he assumed they were women, but couldn’t tell for sure. One wore nondescript pants and a jacket like Cissnei’s. The other wore a long brown robe, with a head cover that wrapped around the lower part of the face. 

The adults were watching them. Cissnei looked down, and scuffed her foot along the ground, raising a puff of dust. Rude saw the person in the robe turn and say something to the littles, urging those on the ground to get up, taking two by the hands and leading them inside one of the buildings. The rest were herded along by the other adult, and they all disappeared. A minute later, the adult reappeared and retrievd the toys left behind, tidying up, and keeping an eye on the older children. Occasionally, Rude could see him, or her, flash a look towards them.

Suddenly a ball came bouncing along the ground toward them. Cissnei stopped it with her foot, then reached down to pick it up. The group of children flowed toward them like a school of fish and stopped out of reach, shifting and murmuring.

The children stood staring at them, whispering and poking each other. Rude kept a blank face. He didn’t know much about dealing with children. They made him uncomfortable. He wished he had his sunglasses.

Cissnei handed the ball to him. “I don’t want this!” he exclaimed under his breath. “Here, take it back…. give it back to them!” He tried to shove it back at her. What was she doing?!

A taller boy with a thin face and a large, hooked nose spoke up from the middle of the pack. “Auntie! Can we have our ball!” The sun flashed in his hair, which was dyed a purple colour and grew low on his neck. Somehow it suited him.

Cissnei waited until they quieted a bit. “This is Rude,” she said. “He is our guest today.”

There was a moment of anxious shuffling. Rude felt like he should duck and cover. What the hell!

Then, in ragged unison, the children spoke in singsong “Welcome, Uncle.” 

“…uh…. thank you..?” he managed in return.

A babble of voices broke out. He couldn’t understand any of it. The kids were coming closer, almost swarming…. Rude clutched the ball and spread his feet a little to stand firm. He felt sweat break out on his brow.

An older girl pushed to the front of the group. “May we please have our ball, Uncle? Jet will win if we can’t make another goal, and we might not get to play tomorrow!” 

“Awww, you’ll never win, Ang!” the tall boy who had spoken before scoffed. “Whether you get the ball today or not!”

The girl whipped her head around to glare at him. “Will, too!” She turned back to Rude. Her almond-shaped eyes narrowed, and she fiddled with the end of a long blonde braid hanging over her shoulder. Rude stared at the markings on her face. Small black and orange tattoos striped her cheeks and temples. 

These kids were young for such body modifications. He wondered if they meant something, or if she had actually chosen them. It put him in mind of Reno. 

“Ang win,” came a whisper, and Rude looked down to see a small boy with huge, round, orange eyes and a wide mouth peering out from behind the girl’s arm. “Ball now?”

Rude felt Cissnei nudge him with her shoulder, and stay close to him. The contact steadied him. He slowly held out the ball. “Sure. Go finish your game.”

Faster than he was aware, the ball was snatched from him. But…. no one’s hands had moved. He blinked. The tip of a pink tongue was disappearing between the smaller boy’s lips. The boy smiled up at him and cradled the ball. “Thank you, Uncle,” he lisped.

“Cover Jeremy!” Ang yelled. She whirled to join the others and Rude saw a long striped tail flow out behind her. The crowd of children exploded into movement and in a second they had raced back to the clearing, yelling at each other.

Rude gaped after them. 

“I think they like you, Uncle,” He could hear the amusement in Cissnei’s voice, rough as it was. 

“What…” he finally managed.

“Watch,” she said.

He did. Jeremy disappeared under a crush of kids. Dust boiled. Shrieks were heard. Then the tall boy, Jet, struggled out from the dog pile, staggered a bit, got his bearings and started to run down the field toward the buildings on the other side. Rude could see he was carrying the ball. 

An angry shout and Ang scrambled after him, leaving the rest of the kids to sort themselves out while cheering for their respective favourites. It was clear these two were the ones to contend with. Ang raced after Jet, gaining on him with every step. 

There was a blurring motion. Rude’s mouth hung open again as wings suddenly burst into existence over Jet’s back. Beautiful iridescent purple wings, shimmering in the sun. The boy’s thin frame seemed to stretch; Rude wasn’t seeing just a thin ragged boy anymore. There was a small gryphon rising into the air. 

With a leap, Ang snatched for him. But what Rude saw was a tiger, ears flat, tail streaming out behind it, stripes glowing, paws outstretched. In a second, the tiger had grabbed the gryphon and they both smashed to the ground, rolling over as the dust partially obscured them. Then Ang rose to her feet, holding the ball up triumphantly, and trotted toward the buildings. The rest of her team crowded after her, cheering and yelling.

Jet’s supporters stopped to help him up from where he lay. They picked him up and patted him on the back, and Rude could hear them grumbling and promising each other they’d win next time. 

Rude shook his head a little. He turned to Cissnei. “What…” he began again, and was interrupted as his stomach rumbled loudly.

“Its time for them to have their evening meal,” she said. “Would you like to join me for supper?”


	7. Chapter 7

Chapter 7

“Alright.” Rude was hungry, and he felt he still didn’t have a good grasp on what was going on here. He knew what Tseng would say, under the circumstances: don’t come back without more data. “Alright. Thank you.” He told himself that spending more time with Cissnei didn’t really factor much into this. Nope, not at all.

The area was quiet now. The children had disappeared with the remaining adult. Rude was surprised to see the sun was quite a bit lower. No wonder his stomach was pissed off with him.

Cissnei led him toward the area she had pointed out before. They started to pass buildings that had obviously been constructed. The debris had been cleared or at least pushed to the sides, forming boundaries for paths and yards. There seemed to be more of a plan here. It looked like some of the more organized areas of Edge. 

Rude thought about what he wanted to say. So many questions, but what was the most important one? What would she answer?

“What…who are those children?” He finally asked. 

Cissnei was quiet for a minute. Then she nodded to the right. “There’s a communal garden over there…and in other places. In the last few years, the soil seems to be recovering. We can grow vegetables. It makes a big difference.”

Rude saw a patch of green, and caught a whiff of fertilizer. “Don’t you buy food in the market?”

“Money is scarce. Delivery to Edge is sometimes disrupted. If we can provide more things for ourselves, that’s all for the better.”

He thought of the things they had occasionally gone without at Healin and had to agree. 

They were passing more houses. Well, some were more like shacks. Poor dwellings, but most were reasonably well kept. Again, he was reminded of the slums. 

“No indoor plumbing,” Cissnei continued. “Composting toilets, or chemical. All the compost goes to the gardens. Solar power,” she pointed upward, and he realized that the glints he had seen were the sun reflecting off the panels set in the roofs of most houses. 

“You’re off the grid,” he observed slowly. 

“As much as possible.”

“That would have been…unheard of…..before.”

“Yes,”

Realizing he wasn’t going to get more of a response, Rude thought furiously. Alright. If she was going to play games with him….. He knew it would be a matter of asking the right questions, but even more, of putting together the clues he already had. Cissnei was waiting for him to put it together. It was like a treasure hunt. If he could solve the puzzle, he would be given the next clue, or…..he felt she didn’t trust him fully yet. Maybe if he failed this part, he would never get the full answer.

A test…..a test……off the grid…..they were being watched…..there was a perimeter of defences, through which they were passing, one by one…..the children….she had taken him to see the children, and deliberately made him interact with them….

“You’re hiding the children,” he said. He was sure he was right.

Cissnei made a little chuff. He remembered that sound. When she was pleased about something, when she had completed some task successfully or was happy with an outcome, she made that little noise. Rude knew he had passed the trial. This one, at least.

And now he might get some more information. “Who are they?” he tried again.

“Many are orphans. A lot has changed, out there,” she gestured vaguely. “But there are still monsters. And the ones to be most afraid of are human.” Her mouth turned down. “Anything, anyone, who is different, is in danger. Many of these children have been abandoned by their parents. Put out to die. Just for being different. This is a safe place for them.”

“…..they certainly are different…” Rude muttered.

“So?” Cissnei stopped and turned on him. Her eyes blazed and her cheeks flushed. She pushed close to him and he backed up a bit, startled. This was the most emotion he had seen her show since he had found her.

“Well, they… they are!” he tried to defend himself. “I didn’t say they were…bad, or…or….anything! I’ve just never……that was……I don’t know! Fascinating..?” he offered lamely.

“Yes, they look different!” Cissnei’s voice was painful to listen to. She didn’t seem to be able to speak above a certain level, and as her agitation increased, it sounded almost like she was choking. But it didn’t take away from her vehemence. “They look different, they can do some different things, but they are human! They are children! They need love and care and the chance to live and grow and be who they are meant to be! They’re special, just like all children are! They may be different, but they are not…not…aaahh...!”

“Shhh, shhh.” Rude couldn’t stand to hear her continue. He was more upset over the sounds she was making than what she was saying. He reached out and touched her arm gently. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to upset you, Cissnei. You’re right, of course. I was just…surprised, is all. I’ve never seen anything like them before. Outside of the labs, I mean….”

Oops. He had been doing quite well. She had seemed to be calming, but now she jerked her arm away from him. “They are NOT experiments!” she snarled at him. “If that’s what you think, you are not the man I thought you were!”

Rude bit his lip. He sensed he was on very fragile ground. If he didn’t say or do the right thing now, he would lose her. He would lose every chance that he saw open in front of him when he first realized he had found her again. He swallowed his panic and took a deep breath. 

“Cissnei. Listen. I was just surprised. They were…are…amazing. I was stupid to bring up the labs. It was just a….a stupid observation. I’m sorry. I’m…I don’t know much about kids, but I agree with you. All children are special, and deserve a chance to…to be loved, and live to their potential. You do know me. You know I’m telling you the truth.” He kept his eyes on her face, his arms loose, his hands open and by his sides. He tried to project every bit of non-threatening sincerity he could. He hoped it would be enough.

Cissnei growled a bit more, muttering under her breath, and paced back and forth in front of him. If she had a tail, it would be lashing, he thought. He wanted to tell her she could trust him, but he knew that would most likely have the opposite effect. It took every ounce of his control to stay quiet and still. 

Cissnei could see him sweating a bit. She did know him. She knew what he said was true. But she also knew his initial reaction was a real one. He was more than surprised. He was shocked. He was suspicious of something new and different. His thoughts had gone immediately to the horrible experiments they were all too familiar with. 

It was what she had first thought of, too. She couldn’t help it. It was all she had to compare to, and so how could she condemn him for the same thing? However, she had been motivated to get past that. He had no such reason. But she had brought him this far….

Finally she stopped in front of him. “We were always taught to keep an open mind. About people. About situations. Appearances can be deceiving. Things are not always as they seem.”

“True,” he said quietly.

“And to see the possibilities, where others may not.”

“Yes.”

Cissnei wrapped her arms around herself. She looked over his shoulder, back the way they had come, back toward Edge. She shivered, even though it was still warm.

“I trust you more than I do the others,” she whispered. 

Rude waited as she dragged herself back from wherever her thoughts had gone. Until she acknowledged him. 

“Come on,” she said. “I’m hungry, too”

Rude could breathe again. He had passed another test. “Sounds good to me.” 

They reached the last few houses on the outskirts of the settlement. The sun still shone, but the plate loomed close. It made for a bit of a depressing environment. Rude wondered why she chose to live here, instead of farther away from the shadow. 

The cottage on the end was hers, set back away from the nearest neighbour. It was small, and his head just cleared the lintel as he entered. Inside he could stand easily, though. He looked around as she turned on a couple of lights. 

One big room, with a small window near the entrance. There was a kitchen area at one end and a table; and a couple of big chairs and a small couch that looked relatively comfortable at the other. A squat, square heating unit sat in between the kitchen and sitting area, hissing quietly. Toward the back, Rude could see two doors. He assumed at least one led to a sleeping area, since he didn’t see a bed.

Cissnei took her coat off and hung it on a hook set in the wall by the door. Rude removed his cap and his own jacket and did the same. 

“Sit”, Cissnei gestured to the table. She filled a kettle from a tap on the wall and placed it on the heating unit. Ah. It served as a sort of stove, too, he realized. “I’ll be back in a few minutes,” she said, and left through one of the other doors. 

Rude sat and waited. The heating unit hissed and occasionally popped. He could hear the water seething in the kettle. He couldn’t help but catalogue his surroundings. It was second nature. The walls were concrete, but Cissnei had whitewashed them, and hung some colourful fabric. It made the room brighter. The light from the two lamps she had turned on was rather dim, but lit the space adequately. He assumed the amount of power from the solar panels was limited, and noticed a couple of candles ready for use. 

The floor was wood; it was still a scarce material but it made sense to use it for flooring. Concrete and stone sucked the heat away. There were a few throw rugs scattered about for added comfort. Open storage cubes were stacked against the walls, further insulating the area…. Rude could see clothes, blankets, equipment, and a few books stuffed into them. It was quiet and rather cozy. But all in all there wasn’t much. He contrasted this with the bright, airy Lodge he lived in, and the conveniences they enjoyed there. No indoor plumbing, she had said. He frowned.

_koh….koh….kooooohh……..kokokokokohhh….._

Rude jumped up, a gun instantly in his hand. He crouched, all senses on high alert. _Kkkkk…._ He traced the strange sound to one of the storage cubes on the floor close to the heating unit. He bent warily to look……and came face to beak with a large speckled chicken huddled in the box. She glared at him and clucked disapprovingly, wiggling her butt a little more firmly into the straw of her nest.

“Hah!” Rude laughed, and lowered his weapon. “haha…” he chuckled to himself, and went to sit back down just as Cissnei returned. She was carrying two covered pots, and right away he could smell a delicious aroma. 

“I see you’ve met Lady Victoria,” Cissnei said wryly, lifting an eyebrow at the sight of the gun.

“A chicken, Cissnei!” he exclaimed. “She scared me!” 

“Eggs,” Cissnei said. “And she is good company.” The kettle began to whistle, and she moved past him to pick it up. She then filled another large pot with water and put it on the unit to heat, before taking dishes down from a cupboard.

After starting tea to steep, Cissnei set two bowls in front of him, one filled with brown rice, and the other with some sort of stew in a rich brown sauce. His mouth began to water.

“Thank you,” he said. “What is it? It smells so good!”

“Please, eat. I’m not sure what it is. Probably tofu, vegetables…my neighbour Mara made it. She often cooks for me, since I am out all day. I just ran over to her place to pick it up.”

“Are you not going to eat, too?” he paused then as she put more dishes on the table. Two more bowls of rice. Two more of the stew. “Is…is someone else joining us?” 

Rude felt his heart stop. He had assumed she was alone here. He hadn’t even considered that, in the time she had been gone, that there might be someone else in her life now.

“Yes,” she said quietly, and disappeared through the back door again. This time she was gone only a few seconds. She came back into the main room slowly, allowing a small child to keep up with her as it toddled along, holding her hand.

They stopped beside the table. “This is Kotaro,” Cissnei said. 

Rude nearly spit out the mouthful of food he had taken. He blinked hard, feeling faint. He was glad he was sitting down. He couldn’t tear his gaze from the child standing next to Cissnei, holding her hand, staring back at him solemnly with large amber eyes. Her eyes. 

But the blond hair falling over the child’s forehead, the nose already showing that straight haughtiness, that full lower lip…..that was all Rufus.


	8. Chapter 8

Chapter 8

“……gods…” Rude choked, struggling to control himself. Inside he was dying a slow death. But he couldn’t show it, not in front of Cissnei. Not in front of the child.

The boy looked up at Cissnei uncertainly. She nodded slightly at him, and he let go of her hand. Hesitantly, he made his way across the short distance that separated them from Rude. Small steps, for small unsteady feet.

Rude watched him coming, swallowing hard. He had to be calm He had to show Cissnei that her trust in him was not misplaced. And….it wasn’t the boy’s fault, that his father was…..wasn’t…..Rude cut that thought off.

Kotaro stood in front of him now. He glanced up shyly through his bangs and one side of his mouth crept up in a hopeful smile. Rude closed his eyes for a second and drew in a deep breath. He could feel Cissnei watching him like a hawk. 

He let the air out cautiously and bent forward, so he was more on a level with the boy. “Hello,” he said quietly, not wanting to scare him. “Hello, Kotaro.”

“He doesn’t speak much,” Cissnei warned.

A pudgy little hand reached up and patted his cheek. The half smile became a tiny frown of concentration. Rude could feel the warm sticky palm linger for a few seconds on his stubble.

“…ood,” came a whisper. Then the smile was back, a sunny grin that flashed as he lifted his head, no longer hiding behind his bangs. 

Rude couldn’t help but smile in return. That grin was infectious. He grasped Kotaro’s hand, man to man, at the same time as he looked him full in the face…..and his expression froze. 

Covering Kotaro’s forehead, following the arch of his eyebrows and disappearing into his hairline, were large, lustrous, blue-green scales. Rude could feel something strange about the boy’s hand as he held it gently, and a glance down showed similar scales covering the back of it and tapering over his wrist. They were soft and warm, but stood up slightly from the surrounding skin. 

Rude thought he had hidden his reaction quite well, but he felt the boy stiffen. As Rude watched in horror, Kotaro blinked, and his eyes became silvery grey as a membrane slid up over the irises. Rude thought that his own vision might be going, that he might be about to faint, as the boy’s outline blurred slightly; then he recognized the effect as similar to what he had seen happen with the other children.

In an instant the scales spread over the child’s cheeks. The hand Rude held sprouted sharp little claws, and was yanked away with a small hiss. As his mouth opened slightly, Rude could see sharp teeth, very different from the ones that had been displayed just a few seconds before.

“Kotaro!” Cissnei was there instantly, whisking him away from Rude, who sat in shock. She swept her son up and held him close, blocking his view of Rude and murmuring reassuringly to him. “Its alright, Kotaro. Its okay. Its safe. He was just surprised, is all. He’s never seen such a special boy as you before. No, he hasn’t. Shh, shhh. We’re going to have supper now, okay? Mara made us a lovely stew. Aren’t you hungry? Come on, let’s sit down and have our dinner.”

Cissnei sat in the chair opposite Rude and held Kotaro on her lap, hugging him and rocking him gently. The boy’s hand clutched the front of her shirt, and the nails were once more blunt and short. His hair had fallen back over his face, but he peered at Rude warily, and Rude could see his cheeks were those of a chubby toddler again. He turned his face into Cissnei’s bosom and nodded against her. “….kay.”

“That’s my boy,” Cissnei said, and moved him from her lap onto the chair next to her. She handed him a spoon, which he gripped in the typical overhand way of one just learning to use utensils, and pushed two bowls close to him. “Here. Try these. It’s not too hot now.”

Cissnei rose again to pour the tea, bringing back two mugs and a sippy cup of milk for Kotaro. She eyed Rude from across the table. “Your food is getting cold.” 

Rude started. Slowly he picked up his spoon and started eating again. His body was hungry, but his mind wasn’t registering how good the food was as he mechanically chewed and swallowed. 

He glanced at the boy. Kotaro was now fully focused on his dinner, concentrating on the difficult task of controlling the spoon well enough to convey it to his mouth without losing most of what it held. His mouth opened wide like a baby bird’s, but that spoon tipped and wobbled and veered off course, ending with only a fraction of its load in its intended destination. Rude felt he wouldn’t notice the conversation if he was discreet.

But he could not for the life of him think what to say to Cissnei right now. 

Cissnei could see his bewilderment and fear. She decided to take pity on him. “It’s not your fault. He could feel your…..your surprise,” she said, mindful of her words. “Children this young react instinctively. And…recover themselves just as quickly.”

“….I….I wouldn’t hurt him,” Rude finally managed.

Cissnei stared at him. “If I thought that you would, you wouldn’t be here.”

Rude nodded thoughtfully. No, he wouldn’t be here. He would not have been allowed to meet this boy. In fact, he might be lying dead somewhere out in the “rim”. He felt a chill go down his spine. 

Cissnei finished her meal and turned her attention to Kotaro, who had abandoned his spoon and was shoving rice into his mouth with his fingers. “Tch! My messy little chick,” Cissnei said gently, and touched the end of his nose. 

Kotaro giggled and, for the first time, Rude saw a small smile appear on Cissnei’s face. She retrieved the spoon and fed the rest of the stew to the boy, making little clucks and nonsense noises in her hoarse voice. Rude could hear an odd trilling from behind him, and realized the chicken was also responding to Cissnei’s soft sounds. 

“There!” said Cissnei. “All gone!” She and Kotaro regarded each other in triumph. “It sounds like Lady Vicky wants her supper, too. Why don’t you go give this to her and say goodnight. Then its bath time, and bed for you.” She lifted him down from the chair and handed him the remains of the bowl of rice. He gripped it carefully in both hands and started over to where the hen waited in her nest. Cissnei kept an eye on him while she cleaned the table. She took Rude’s empty dishes, too, and stacked them all on the counter. 

“I’ll clean those later. More tea? You might be more comfortable in one of the other chairs…and I need some space here.”

“Alright,” Rude accepted a refill and went to sit in one of the big chairs in the living area. It was comfortable, and he sighed as he settled into it. He was tired. 

A pecking sound caught his attention. Kotaro squatted by the hen’s nest box and watched as she busily cleaned up the rice. Her beak clattered against the bowl. When it was empty Kotaro petted her head. “aw go!” he exclaimed, in imitation of his mother. Then he leaned forward and gave the bird a hug. She kokokokoh’ed at him quietly. “ni ni, ky!” he said and pushed himself up, pausing unsteadily for a minute and then heading back to the table, forgetting the bowl.

Cissnei had moved the table back a bit and spread a towel on the floor. On this she placed a large flat metal container. A couple more towels were hung on the back of the chair Rude had been sitting in and some clothes on the back of another, both near the heating unit. 

She took the large pot of water that had previously been placed on the heater and set it on a brick on the floor. Steam rose from it. Then she brought over another container of water from the wall tap, and poured it into the big pot a bit at a time, testing the temperature with her hand as she went. 

“You had a busy day in the dirt, didn’t you?” Cissnei knelt on the edge of the towel and helped Kotaro undress. It dawned on Rude that Kotaro had been one of the little children playing outside and taken out of his view as soon as they had arrived. He recalled Cissnei kicking up a little plume of dust as she stood with him: a pre-arranged signal to get the youngsters to safety. Or, maybe just this one. He frowned.

Kotaro was lifted into the large flat pan. He shivered as he stood there naked, and held onto his mother’s arm. She had rolled up her sleeves, and now she dipped a cloth into the pot of steaming water and started to wash the boy, starting with his face and working her way down, soaping and rinsing as she went. She didn’t shampoo his hair, but she did wet it and slick it back. He giggled and slapped at the suds and drops of water that ran down his body. 

Cissnei hummed and whispered to Kotaro as she worked, and Lady Victoria cooed in the background. The child was totally unselfconscious, and Rude watched in guilty fascination. He had to see what the rest of him looked like. 

Kotaro’s back was toward him, as Cissnei washed his front. Rude saw the same turquoise scales covering his shoulders and the nape of his neck, flowing downward in a V. The scales became smaller toward the point of the V, which ended in the middle of his back, just below the level of his shoulder blades. 

The boy turned, with Cissnei steadying him, and beamed at Rude. Clearly he was enjoying his bath, and Rude didn’t blame him. He wouldn’t mind having Cissnei bathe him like that. He blushed at the thought. 

Kotaro’s smile faded a bit as he registered Rude’s sudden discomfort, but Rude made an effort and consciously relaxed, and the boy did, too. He teetered suddenly as Cissnei was a little too forceful in her scrubbing. His arms flung out to the sides to keep his balance. The wet scales on the backs of his hands and wrists glowed like jewels in the light. Water dripped down his plump little belly and thighs. As he jiggled in the pan, Rude could see scales on the tops of his feet and extending up the front of his ankles. But that was all. Everything else was in the right place and seemed normal. 

“All done, my little piglet!” Cissnei said, lifting him out to stand on the floor towel. She rinsed his feet and started to dry him as he chuckled and wiggled. Cissnei rubbed the towel through his damp hair, making it stand out all over. She wrapped him in the towel and then in a hug. “Jammies?” she said. 

“mmeees!” Kotaro nodded. Cissnei dressed him the the soft shirt and pants that had been warming over the back of the chair. “Now, where are your socks? You don’t want cold feet, do you?” she asked.

His cheeks glowing pink, Kotaro trotted over to a storage cube at his height. He looked inside, then in another, rummaging a bit. He pulled out a large thick grey sock and dropped it on the floor. Not what he wanted. He kept looking. 

Rude stared at the sock. It was a very large sock. Too large for Cissnei. It was a man’s sock. Actually, he noted, much more calmly than he felt, it was a SOLDIER issue Shin-Ra sock. 

Kotaro held up a white handful. “socks!” he yelled at Cissnei. 

“Socks, yes. Very good. Can you put them on?”

Kotaro plopped down on his bum in one motion and started to fight with the socks. Unfortunately, they weren’t much more cooperative than the spoon. He grunted and struggled to get one over his toes in the proper way. 

Cissnei watched for a minute, then started to get up to go help him, but Rude lifted his hand. He set his mug on the floor and slid out of his chair to kneel in front of the boy. “May I help you?” he asked, waiting for the answer before he made any attempt to reach for him. 

Kotaro scooted backward in surprise until he came up against the storage boxes and could go no further. He cast an anxious glance at Cissnei, who nodded at him. The unspoken communication between mother and son was clear. Kotaro looked back to Rude and slowly held out the sock.

Rude rolled it up a bit and then gently eased it over the little toes and onto the boy’s foot. So small. It was dwarfed in his large hand. Again he felt those soft, smooth scales, and he ran his thumb over them and up the boy’s ankle as he fitted the sock on. He heard Kotaro gasp slightly. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw Cissnei jerk, as if to interfere, but she stayed put. 

He slipped the other sock on, and patted the little feet. “There you go. Now your feet will be nice and warm tonight.” Kotaro hoisted himself up, butt first, and then turned to Rude and threw his arms around his neck. Rude was caught off guard but after a second slowly closed his arms around the fragile little body and hugged him back. 

“ni, ood” Kotaro whispered, and then he was sliding out of Rude’s embrace and heading back to Cissnei. He climbed into her arms and she rose with him, meeting Rude’s eyes over his head. 

“Time for bed, small one,” she murmured, and carried him toward the other door at the end of the room. 

Rude sighed heavily once they were gone. He picked up the single large sock that lay on the floor. Balling it in his fist, he sank back into the chair and sat there numbly. Lady Victoria stared at him silently from her box. 

When Cissnei came back into the room, she found him still sitting there. She hesitated, biting her lip, then lit one of the candles and went to place it in the window. It was dark outside now. 

Rude got up and stood in front of her as she turned back toward him. He held the sock up between them, then deliberately tucked it back in the storage cube it had come from. She watched him coolly.

Rude rubbed his hands over his face. “Cissnei….”

“Mara will be here shortly to sit with Kotaro. She’ll have been waiting for my signal,” she said, moving around him to pick up the pan from the floor. She opened the front door and stepped out to toss the dirty water into the yard. “When she comes, I’ll take you back to Edge.” She came back in and started tidying up. “I wouldn’t want you to get lost.”

“Cissnei…..gods….” His hand reached out toward her, willing her to pay attention to him. Willing her to let him touch her, to make her real and solid, and for her to acknowledge that he was real and solid and here with her again. 

“Cissnei, all this…….” It was as if she didn’t even hear him.

“Cissnei. We need to talk. Please. I….I miss you, so much.” She stopped, her back to him. Rude saw her shoulders move up a bit, and her hands clench the towel she was holding.

There was a soft knock and a figure appeared in the back doorway through which Cissnei had come and gone before. Rude recognized the long brown robe from before. Black eyes glittered at him from above the veil. He glared back. Why couldn’t she have waited a little longer!

“Mara,” Cissnei rasped, and Rude was sure he could hear relief in her voice. “I’m taking Rude back to Edge. I’ll be back as soon as I can”

Mara nodded and stood silently waiting as they put on their jackets and went out into the night. It was a quiet walk back. 

Rude was exhausted when he got back to Healin Lodge. Elena, who was on watch, gave him the once over when he arrived, but he ignored her and went straight to his room. 

He tossed and turned all night, his mind furiously going over everything he had seen and heard, all he had learned. He dreamed of Cissnei, standing in front of the heater to bathe, the water running down her body and glistening in the soft light. He watched her hands drifting over herself, over the body he knew so well. But when she turned to look at him, he woke. Groaning, he turned over and buried his face in his pillow. As he fell asleep again, he thought he could hear Kotaro giggling.


	9. Chapter 9

Chapter 9

It was after noon when Rude finally crawled out of bed and went searching for caffeine. He shuffled into the main room with one goal in mind. The breakfast coffee was long gone, so he started another pot and stood waiting for it to brew. His eyes were red and bleary and he only registered that it was another sunny day.

Reno sat at the table working on flight plans. Papers and charts spilled over the surface, and a tablet blinked and flashed as Reno alternately asked it for data and added to an open navigation program.

The coffee maker gave a final burble and sigh and Rude found Rufus’ special giant mug and filled it full. “I’ll have summa that, too, yo,” Reno said, and Rude fixed a second cup and brought it to him.

Rude sat holding his mug, his mind not yet in gear. Reno leaned back, twiddling a pencil and staring at him. “Ya look like death, yo,” he commented. “Lainey said ya got in late.”

Rude grunted. 

“Just sayin’,” Reno grinned.

“Don’t say,” Rude muttered.

“Ya gonna be fit to fly soon?” Reno sipped his coffee. “We gotta head out shortly. Damn, ya make a good cuppa,” he said, smacking his lips. 

Rude grunted again. “Where’re we going?” he asked, trying to focus on what Reno had been working on. Reno fished a couple of sheets out from a pile and pushed them towards Rude. “Reeve wants this area mapped. We’re doin’ a flyover for geographical this afternoon, then goin’ back over with infrared and thermal for population tonight.”

Rude studied the coordinates and planned approach. Reno had worked out a grid pattern that would work for both explorations. Reno might be sloppy in his uniform and his speech, but his sketches and calculations were a thing of beauty: clean and precise; art as much as math. He preferred to work on paper and then input his data directly during his pre-flight prep. Tseng had often chided him for not relying on the computer more but he just shrugged. “A machine don’t understand how I get from A to B, yo” he said. “Takes too long to ‘splain things to it.” And since he was the best chopper pilot on Gaia, Tseng let him be. 

“Looks like this is outside of Edge,” Rude set the paper down. “Reeve thinking its time to expand?”

“Dunno what his plans are,” Reno shrugged. “Just gonna fly, get the info, report back.”

Rude nodded, content to let Reeve and Rufus plan their new world. He was still just a cog in their machine. He couldn’t help a twinge of bitterness at the thought. But what else could he do? Where would he go and what would he be doing if not continuing to serve the President as best he could?

He thought of Cissnei. Turks didn’t retire. Everyone had assumed she was dead. But somehow she was still alive, and making a different life for herself. His mouth twisted. Such as it was. Was she happy? Out there, with a son and…. and whoever else she had in her life now? He wondered. Could he be happy if he walked away like that? Could they have been happy together?

He used to think such thoughts were useless daydreams. But now… she was still alive. Maybe… maybe there was hope after all. Maybe he could hope for something more than what he had now. A life where people didn’t look at him with suspicion and refuse to meet his eyes. A life where he had a little home to call his own, with a chicken, and a hot meal on the table, and a woman to welcome him, and children to giggle and play at his feet…

“Yo! You awake yet?” Reno’s voice broke into his reverie. He blinked. “Sorry. What did you say?”

“Ah, forget it. Finish yer joe and let’s get going. Gonna be a long day.”

Two hours later they were over the area to be mapped. Reno held them to the intended course and Rude made sure the cameras were tracking and the images were coming in clearly. Back and forth they went. It was monotonous work, but necessary to get a picture of where they now lived. So much had changed in the last five years. Places that were once as familiar to them as the backs of their hands had been reshaped by many forces, natural and man-made. If there was to be a successful rebuilding of the Midgar region, Rufus and Reeve wanted it to be as orderly and controlled as possible. And to do that they needed this information. 

The sun was lowering and they were almost finished when Rude realized the last quadrant contained the area Cissnei had walked him through yesterday. He felt a slight panic. She, and others there, had gone to such lengths to avoid notice, even so near to Edge. She had mentioned the precautions they had taken, but those were all ground based defences, no good against a helo flying over them and looking down from above. 

Cissnei had seemed primarily concerned about the children, and he could understand that now. She had insisted they needed to be safe. That they were safe there. What would happen to them when Reeve wanted to move into their home and incorporate it? Would Cissnei be safe if they found her there…. with Kotaro?

His hand hovered over the camera controls. But if they came back without adequate views of the area, they would just be sent out again. Or someone else would be. Rude knew Tseng would not let it go, if the job was incomplete. 

His chance to make a decision was gone. While he had hesitated, the chopper had passed the boundary of Edge and commenced a flyover of the ruins below them. Rude watched helplessly. Surely they would have heard the helo. Surely they wouldn’t be out in plain view….

The ground swept by under them, empty except for the debris he had passed on foot yesterday. They were all the way to the edge of the plate now. Rude held his breath, waiting to see the small cottages below, sure he would be able to recognize Cissnei’s…

Rude checked the camera screen. He looked outside, wondering if the machine was malfunctioning. He craned his neck again to see if his eyes were fooling him. But there was nothing outside, and nothing on the screen. Just more blocks of concrete. 

“Done,” Reno said. “You got it all?”

Rude slowly shut the camera equipment off. “Yeah,” he said. “Got it.”

“Bet this area will be next on Reeve’s list,” Reno noted. “Close by, lots of handy building material, looks empty….. yup, prime real estate, yo!”

Rude was quiet. He wanted to get back to Healin and download the images they had acquired and check again if they had picked up anything. 

Close to midnight they covered the same ground again, this time with infrared and thermal imaging. For the most part there was little life away from the city. A few scattered hot blodges showed travellers camped out, or loners who had decided to make a go of it on their own. They also passed over a number of bigger and more intense images indicating monsters; these tended to occur mostly on the far side of the ruined plate. As they came closer to the end of the run, Rude became anxious again. 

Reno guided the chopper through the last grid. Rude looked out into the night. It was dark and he couldn’t see much. He looked to the scanners. The screens were cool except for an occasional blip that would correspond with a smaller monster or a small animal. No evidence that there was even one human below them, let alone many. 

“Nothing?” Reno asked. “Huh. Not a surprise. Everybody near here’s probably sticking close to Edge. Why be out here all by yourself when it’s safer in the city, eh?”

“Right. That must be it.”

“Reeve’ll be happy. Let’s head on back, yo. I’m ready for a drink and beddy-bye.”

“Me, too,” Rude said. “Me, too.”


	10. Chapter 10

Chapter 10

The next day Rude was kept busy analyzing the images they had generated during their flight and incorporating them into the report that he and Reno were writing up for Reeve. Over many years the two of them had become adept at working together like this, and they each had their part to do in producing the finished product.

What threw a monkey wrench into the works was Rufus deciding he wanted to help. Looking over their shoulders was bad enough. Asking questions every few minutes was worse. Thinking he had something knowledgeable to contribute was the last straw. 

“Don’t ya have somethin’ else to do, Boss?” Reno asked through gritted teeth after the fifth interruption.

“No,” Rufus said. “I’m free to help.”

“I think we can handle it, Boss” Rude tried to unobtrusively ease the report out of Rufus’ reach. “We don’t want to keep you from your…uh…your…” He was at a loss.

“What if you moved this section here and then put the pictures in horizontally instead of vertically?” Rufus pulled the papers out of Rude’s hands and started rearranging things to his liking. And two hours worth of work went down the drain.

Reno swore and slammed his chair back. He stalked out to the veranda, banging the door behind him. Rude wished he could follow. He didn’t smoke, but sometimes inhaling the scent of the tobacco and just observing how it calmed Reno helped to calm him also. 

“What’s the matter with him?” Rufus asked, still busily sorting pages into a new order. He glanced up sideways at Rude through his bangs, and Rude was instantly reminded of Kotaro. The resemblance was uncanny. He felt his stomach heave. That was something he had avoided thinking about since he got back but now it hit him full force.

He had no idea that Cissnei and Rufus were…had….bile rose in his throat and he swallowed convulsively. Judging by Kotaro’s age, it must have happened just before she disappeared. He just had no idea. Could that have been why she left? He stumbled away from the table to get some water. 

He desperately wanted to ask Rufus what had happened. Staring at the President’s back, he wondered what Rufus would do if he suddenly said by the way, I saw Cissnei the other day. And her son. He looks just like you. Except for his eyes. And his scales.

Rude choked on his water. He didn’t know whether to laugh or cry. 

Rufus squared the sheets in his hands and tapped them on the table. “There!” he said brightly, and in his mind’s eye Rude saw Kotaro praising a chicken with the same innocent enthusiasm. “I fixed it for you! That’ll save you some time, I’m sure!”

“Thanks, Boss,” Rude said carefully. “I’ll let Reno know. We’ll just tidy it up, and send it in to Reeve.”

“Okay! I’m going to make spaghetti for an early dinner tonight, so I’ll go see if I can find us a nice bottle of wine.” Rufus sent a quick text to Tseng to pick him up outside the lodge, then rose and grabbed his coat. He snapped his fingers as he strode toward the door. “Dar…” the word was cut off and his step faltered for just a second. Then he was gone. 

Rude heard him say something to Reno outside and Reno snarl in return as he came back in, surrounded by a cloud of blue smoke and bluer language. “Gods!” his nostrils flared and his eyes squinted as he came back to the table and grabbed the back of his chair, turning it around and straddling it. The marks on his cheekbones stood out more than usual. “Alright. Let’s get this finished, yo! Before President Know-It-All gets back.”

Grimly, they started again.

Even though it was an excellent meal, Rude had a hard time enjoying it. As soon as they were done, he excused himself and went to his room. He had made up his mind as they had analyzed the data from yesterday that he needed to see for himself if the instruments were faulty or not. 

Quickly he changed into the clothes he had worn before, lacing up the boots and pulling on the jacket and hat. He checked his gun and shoulder holster, slipping a knife into his boot and his phone into a pocket. He paused with his hand on the phone. Did Cissnei have a phone? However, even if she did, he didn’t have a number for her. The only way he could communicate was to go and find her again. Maybe he’d be lucky enough to run into her in the city. But if not he was prepared to go all the way out to her cottage again. 

He managed to leave without talking to anyone and hurried on his way. It was already early evening and he didn’t want to be looking around out there in the dark. 

He couldn’t believe there had been no evidence on any of their scans of the people he had seen just the other day. Were the readings wrong? Or had they all left? That possibility made him move faster. There was no way they could have known their area was scheduled for mapping. Hell, _he_ hadn’t even known. If they were gone before he and Reno had flown over, then they had left because they felt their safety compromised. And that could only have been because of his presence. 

And if they had left, he had no idea where they would have gone; no idea where to look for Cissnei. It had been chance that he had found her this time. Now he could lose her again. 

Most of the shops and stalls were closed or getting ready to shut down as he passed through the market streets. There were far fewer people out at this time of day, and Cissnei wasn’t one of them. Rude wasn’t surprised. He pressed on, almost trotting in his anxiety to find out if his worries were true. 

He was halfway there when a voice came out of nowhere. “Stop right there.” Rude did the prudent thing and stopped, alert for trouble.

“Hands out. Don’t move.” Rude spread his hands on either side and waited.

A short man with sandy blond hair stepped out from behind one of the chunks of concrete Cissnei had called bunkers. He moved slowly toward Rude, keeping his weapon trained on him. Army rifle, Rude noted. 

“Who are you? What’s your business here?” the man asked, eying Rude up and down. 

Rude hesitated for a minute. He could see no advantage to lying. After all, he had just been through here recently, through their perimeter defences. He knew he had been observed, and assumed his image had been recorded. “I need to see Cissnei,” he said calmly. “I was here with her the other day. It’s important that I see her.”

“Yeah? What’s your name, bro?”

“Rude.”

“Rude. Haw haw.” The man spat to one side, and smiled. “Up against that wall, Rude. Turn around and spread ‘em.” 

Rude did as he was told. He really had nothing to hide, but he didn’t want to get into a fight out here with a trigger-happy sentry. He regretted bringing his gun now. The man would see him as less of a threat if he was unarmed. 

But too late for that now. Rude felt hands quickly and expertly searching him, taking his gun, knife and phone, lingering over his butt, and then slapping it smartly. “Stay there, bro. Nice piece.” Rude wasn’t sure if the man was referring to his sidearm. He hoped he was. 

He heard the beeps of his phone being used to make a call. “Ciss? Got a Rude at beta checkpoint. Wants to see you.” There was a pause, then. “Okie.” And the call ended. At least that answered his question as to whether Cissnei had a phone or not. 

The muzzle of the rifle poked him in the ribs. “Over there, Rude. Siddown.” Rude looked to his left, saw a large piece of debris and obediently went and sat on it. His blond friend stood a few steps away, out of his reach, and grinned at him, but didn’t lower his gun. “Now we wait,” he said, and spat into the dust again. 

It wasn’t too long before Cissnei showed up, silently appearing out of the dusk. One minute they were alone, the next she was there staring down at him, looking like a boy again with her hands shoved deep in the pockets of her jacket and her black hair tousled. “Rude,” she said. 

“Cissnei. I need to talk to you.” Rude looked pointedly at the blond behind her, then flashed her his biggest, most innocent, smile.

Cissnei cocked her head to one side and regarded him thoughtfully. Then she nodded to the guard. “I’ll take him. Give him back his gun. And his phone.”

The man tossed the items on the ground in front of Rude, who scooped them up, dusted them off, and replaced them in his holsters and pocket. Cissnei motioned for him to follow, and spoke over her shoulder as they walked away. “Rude has clearance. Pass the word.” 

“Okay, Ciss,” came the reply as they left the sentry to his duty. 

“How did you know I had a gun?” Rude asked when they were out of earshot. “And a phone?”

She gave a soft snort. “A Turk out here without a weapon?” her raspy voice grated on his ears. “And the caller i.d. was yours. You never changed it.”

With a start, Rude realized it was true. That was a bit of an oversight. But…but…she had recognized it. “You remembered.” Rude felt a little bubble of happiness form in his chest. 

“Yes.”

Rude wanted to touch her, touch her arm, reach out and take her hand. But he didn’t dare. 

“Cissnei,” he searched for the words. Relief at finding her still here flooded him. Their shadows stretched long in front of them as the sun started to set. They were alone, as far as he could see. Perhaps he should speak now, while he had the chance. 

“Why did you come back?” she asked, all business. 

“I…um…” Rude had to switch mental gears fast. “Did you hear the chopper yesterday?”

“I heard it.” 

“We were surveying. Reeve is looking to expand the settlements and he’s interested in this area. But the instruments didn’t show anything. No manmade structures, no evidence of construction, and no living things big enough to be human. I thought you had gone…all of you. After I had been here. I thought you didn’t trust me.” 

“Did you tell anyone that we were here?” she asked sharply. Rude heard the underlying emphasis. We, meaning her and Kotaro. And anyone, meaning Tseng.

“No.”

“We have scramblers that interfere with scanners. Basically they reflect the scans back, and give an impression of an empty place. You might have noticed the effect when you were here before…it looks like heat waves, in your peripheral vision. Gives you a headache if you try to pin it down and stare at too long. It won’t stand up to too much scrutiny, but it will fool a machine and the naked eye if it’s not pushed too far.”

“Oh…” That explained a lot. “But, the technology for that is classified. If it still exists.”

“It took me and several others a couple of years to find the info and parts and put things together. We have some talented people out here. They just needed some direction, some ideas, and someone who is good at, hmm, acquiring things.” Her mouth quirked to one side. “I have lots of experience in all those areas. And we all agreed it was more important to devote effort and resources to projects like this, rather than creature comforts. For now, anyway. It’s bought us some time.” 

Rude could hear her breathing grow more audible as she talked. The deep rasp in her voice became more pronounced and, as she finished speaking, she began to cough. It seemed that talking irritated her throat; at least he hoped that was all it was. He waited while the hacking subsided and she recovered, wishing he had some water for her. 

“Time? Time for what?” he asked when she had lowered her hand and nodded an apology to him. 

Cissnei peered at him in surprise. “To provide a safe place for the children to live and thrive. To develop a community…small, for sure, but growing, and providing for our needs with very little need for support from Shin-Ra _or_ the WRO. We aren’t dependent on them, and we aren’t beholden to them, therefore they can’t dictate to us how to live.” 

“But…Cissnei, so much has changed, since you’ve been gone. It isn’t like that anymore. The company is basically gone. Reeve is doing good things, life is different, and Rufus…”

“Rufus!” The harsh bark startled Rude, as did the anger on her face that turned quickly to disgust. “Rufus would clear us out of here in an instant if we stood in his way! He would erase us, if we knew we were here!”

Again, Rude understood that second “us” meant her and her son. Slowly he came to the conclusion that while Cissnei was concerned for all the children here, she had specific fears for Kotaro. As a Turk he had to agree she was probably right. It was simply not acceptable for the President to have offspring that were…less than perfect.

“No,” Rude still felt he had to be fair. “No, he’s changed, Cissnei. He’s very different. He’s as enthusiastic as Reeve to rebuild and make it different this time. He’s not the cold, greedy man he was before.”

The derisive scoff she made left no doubt as to what she thought of that. Rude didn’t keep trying to convince her.

“Well,” she finally sighed. “It was just a matter of time. We’re so close, the city is growing…I’ll have to talk to the others and see what they want to do. Some may choose to leave and go elsewhere, even back under the plate…others may take a chance and stay here, work with Reeve.” 

“And what will you do?” He was afraid of what her answer would be. 

Her hands came up to cover her eyes and rub at them. Then she flung them down. “I don’t see that I have much choice,” she said unhappily. “I knew this would come. I just didn’t think it would be so soon.”

“Why can’t you just stay here?”

“Because. Because once Reeve arrives, he will find me. He’s meticulous. I’m too well known here. And that means Tseng will know. And Rufus.” Again her mouth turned down. She hugged herself, shivering in the last of the sunlight. 

“Would that be so bad? You could come back. We can use you. There’s so much to be done. We could work together again. It would be like old times!” He couldn’t help the hope in his voice.

Cissnei looked at him with hollow eyes. “And Kotaro?”

“He could come, too. Why not?” Rude tried to convince himself, as well as her. 

“Ahh, you don’t understand. You don’t!”

He thought he did. But there was more than one issue here, in his mind.

“Well, then, help me understand! Gods, Cissnei, don’t I deserve some sort of explanation now? You left me without a word. I thought you were dead! Then I find you here, with a child…with Rufus’ son…!”

There. He said it. It was out. He held his breath, not sure he wanted to hear anything she might say in return. 

But damn her, she wouldn’t look at him, wouldn’t stop walking, wouldn’t give him the courtesy of a direct answer, even now. He felt his anger rising.

“We saw it all from out here, you know. I saw it. The battle over Edge. Sephiroth, and Cloud, over Midgar. We had the Geostigma out here, too. And when it rained, when we saw what was happening, I brought Kotaro out into the rain and stripped him. I thought maybe…” Her voice broke, and she trailed off for a minute. “Mara and…Mara did the same with the other children. But nothing happened. Kotaro played in the mud. He got wet and dirty and splashed around. So did the others. But nothing changed for them. And do you know why?” Finally she stopped and turned to face him. They were just a short distance from her house.

“Because there’s nothing wrong with them. Nothing! They are as they are meant to be. There was nothing to cure. It just confirmed what I already knew. But I had to try!”

“Oh, Cissnei.” Rude’s anger was gone as he saw the desolation in her face. 

“When I first met them I felt that these children were important. That they are part of a new world and that they have a part to play that we don’t know of yet. But in order to play that part they have to be given a chance to grow up. Not be abandoned or ostracized or killed on sight. When I was able…before Kotaro was born…I did what I could to help.” Her tone became hard. and her jaw set. “After he was born, it became personal. 

“You say things have changed. If I come back, Kotaro comes with me. Have things changed enough that he will be accepted? Will he be safe? Will he be loved?”

Rude wanted to immediately reassure her. But the words wouldn’t come. He couldn’t guarantee any of that, and she knew it. He watched as her belligerence crumbled in front of him. Her teeth stayed clenched but only to keep the pain inside. 

“This wasn’t the way it was supposed to be,” Cissnei’s whisper was full of bitterness and grief, and, despite her talk of building toward the future, it held hopelessness. 

Slowly he reached out and cupped her cheek in his hand. “Girl,” he said softly, around the lump in his own throat.

He could see the tears standing in her eyes. Her chin trembled. Her lips parted slightly and her eyes closed. She leaned into his palm, even as she choked out “…don’t.”

The tears never fell. She stepped away from him and the warmth of her cheek was gone. They walked the last way to her door in silence.


	11. Chapter 11

Chapter 11

The door of Cissnei’s cottage opened onto screaming. Rude’s hand went to his gun and he dropped into a crouch, shoving Cissnei behind him as he looked for the source of the danger. A whirlwind of flying fabric and thundering feet went by at knee height; bounced off one of the chairs, causing a squawk and a burst of feathers in the air; and collapsed into a heap on the floor. 

Rude slowly relaxed as Cissnei pushed by him. “Sorry,” she said. “He’s a bit hyper today.” She leaned down and pulled back a corner of the blanket, revealing a small, excited, flushed face. “Time to quiet down now, my chick,” she said, pinching her son’s nose gently. “We have a guest.”

Kotaro’s big eyes turned to Rude. “ood!” he said happily, and started to struggle to get up, butt first, getting stuck in his blanket. Cissnei helped him, picking him up and setting him on his feet. He immediately started over to Rude, his blanket cape askew around his neck and trailing over his shoulder. 

Cissnei went to speak with Mara, whose tall shrouded figure was in the kitchen chopping something on a board. 

Rude knelt to be at the boy’s height. “Hello,” he grinned as Kotaro sidled up to him and patted his cheek. He was genuinely glad to see the child. It was hard not to like him. 

“socks?” Kotaro inquired, leaning close and staring into Rude’s eyes. 

“Well, it looks like you already have your socks on tonight,” Rude pointed to his feet. “And your jammies. So you don’t need any more socks. You’re nice and warm.”

“mmeees,” Kotaro fingered his flannel shirt, then patted Rude’s arm anxiously. “socks?” he asked again, a worried look on his face. Lady Victoria thrust her head out cautiously from behind the chair and looked this way and that, keeping a wary eye on Kotaro.

Rude looked helplessly at Cissnei, who had said good-bye to Mara and taken over working with the vegetables, cheese and herbs on the counter. “What does he want? He has his socks on!”

“I don’t know. Obviously he remembers you helping him.” Cissnei bent to take eggs out of the small cooling unit under the kitchen counter. “Will you stay for supper?” she asked. “I was going to make omelettes tonight. Its nothing fancy, but you’re welc…”

She was interrupted by a sharp rap, and the front door was flung open without waiting for an answer. Again Rude jumped, not knowing what to expect, and put himself as a shield in front of Kotaro.

A man ducked in, avoiding hitting his head on the lintel, and then straightened. “I’m home!” he exclaimed, sweeping off his hat and tossing it onto the hooks by the door. He turned to beam at them, then noticed Rude and his wide smile disappeared. They eyed each other in stiff silence, like strange dogs sizing each other up and deciding whether a fight was in order.

Rude swiftly assessed the man. Dressed in loose, drab clothing much like Cissnei’s, with low boots on his feet, he was tall, with red hair, and freckles across his face and strong jaw. And he had bright blue eyes. Mako eyes. SOLDIER. Rude felt the hair on the back of his neck stand up. There were so few SOLDIERs left. Who was this? He seemed vaguely familiar and Rude felt he should know him.

“Rude,” the man said, devoid of emotion, not taking his eyes off Rude. His stance looked casual, but Rude knew he could move lightning fast. 

Just then Kotaro stumbled past him, heading towards the man, “kuh!” he crowed, toddling towards him with his arms up.

Rude made a belated grab at him to keep him out of harm’s way, then controlled himself. Cissnei had made no move of concern and it was not his place to interfere if she didn’t. But he surprised himself with his instinctive urge to protect both Cissnei and her son.

The big SOLDIER bent and scooped up the child, tossing him a little into the air and catching him close as he came down. “Hey, buddy! How you doin’! Growing again, I see! Gettin’ heavy!” he chuckled as the boy howled with laughter and hugged him tight around the neck. 

“kuh!” Kotaro said in his ear, then his little palm planted itself on the SOLDIER’s opposite cheek and smooshed his face to one side as Kotaro pointed with his other hand “ood”.

“Rude. Yes, I know Rude. Do you know Rude?”

“socks,” said Kotaro, and burrowed his face in the man’s neck again.

Kunsel raised a ginger eyebrow. “Socks, eh? Hmm.” He carried the boy over to one of the chairs and sat, still holding him. “Evening, Cissnei,” he called, nodding to her. She gave him a little smile, and nodded back. Rude felt his heart sink. 

“Rude, this is Kunsel,” she said. “Kunsel, Rude is joining us for dinner tonight. He’s an old friend…as you know.”

Ohhh, shit. Rude recognized the name. He had never met the man in person, but he had heard plenty of him. A fine SOLDIER, Second Class. A security risk for the amount of information he always seemed to have on everyone and everything. And rumoured to have done some work on the side for Tseng. Certainly someone to be very careful of. And what was he doing out here. With Cissnei?

Kotaro was babbling at the man, his hands patting Kunsel’s cheeks and forcing him to look at him, although Kunsel’s eyes kept darting to Cissnei and to Rude, taking in the situation as much as he could while nodding and murmuring in response to Kotaro. It was the most Rude had heard the boy talk…if his noises could be called talking.

Cissnei came over, wiping her hands on an apron she had tied about her waist. “Kotaro, Kunsel just got back. Why don’t you let him wash up? Come and help me make the eggs, okay? You can talk to him after dinner.” 

Kotaro reluctantly slid down from Kunsel’s lap. “kay,” he said, and took Cissnei’s hand. 

“Kunsel, we’re low on water. If you wouldn’t mind,” Cissnei said as she took the boy back to the kitchen and hoisted him up onto the counter. 

“Ah, sure!” Kunsel pressed himself up out of the chair and reached to grab his hat. He gave Rude a small, evil grin. “I’m gonna take Socks with me. He can help. We’ll be back soon.”

Cissnei looked up and stared at them both for a minute. Her mouth quirked a little in amusement. Then she shrugged and went back to her cooking. 

Rude felt a little thrill of alarm and irritation. He didn’t particularly want to go anywhere with this annoying man. “What? Help? Where are we going?”

“C’mon, Socks. We’re going to get water and fill the tank for Cissnei. Make ourselves useful in exchange for our dinner.” Kunsel motioned him to follow and they went out the back door that Rude had seen Cissnei and Mara use. It led to a small room attached to the main house, a place for storing dry and canned food, tools, and outdoor wear. But most of the space was taken up by a large tank connected to the inner wall by a pipe. A gauge on its side showed it was almost empty. 

They passed through this room and outside. A handcart containing two large barrels stood against the wall of the house. Kunsel checked the straps holding the barrels in place, then turned to Rude. “You wanna pull or push?”

Rude thought he would prefer not to turn his back on Kunsel. “Push.”

“You got it,” Kunsel unfolded another T-shaped handle from the front of the cart. “It goes faster with one to push and one to pull. Doesn’t get stuck so often.”

“…okay.” Rude took up his position to push, and off they went. 

Kunsel walked to the side of the cart so his heels didn’t get banged. He looked straight ahead, but Rude knew his superior SOLDIER senses would tell him exactly where Rude was and what he was doing. “It’s not far. We get our water from an artesian well. I’d rather do this before supper and not have to go out again after.”

Rude picked up on the word “we”. “…you live here, too?”

Kunsel didn’t answer that. “Rude. Of the Turks.” He glanced at Rude. “I’m wondering what you’re doing out here, all of a sudden.” His voice held a hint of threat. 

They were alone in the shadow of the plate, behind the last row of houses. The sun had set, but there was still enough light to see. The cart bumped along the dirt and gravel, and the empty barrels rattled. Rude felt danger closing in all around. 

He didn’t think Cissnei would let him go with Kunsel if there was a chance he wouldn’t come back. Would she…? He felt sweat break out under his arms. He had his gun and knife, but he doubted either would be of much use if Kunsel wanted him to disappear.

This man was even more dangerous than most SOLDIERs. He was intelligent, as well as strong and fast, and Rude knew his life literally depended on how he answered now. His anger rose. He should be the one controlling the conversation, not being interrogated by some rogue muscle-bound bully! 

“I ran into Cissnei in Edge the other day,” he said coolly. “She brought me here. She gave me clearance.” He threw that in for good measure, putting Kunsel on notice that he was here by invitation and if something happened to him, he’d have to answer to Cissnei.

The SOLDIER scoffed. Rude decided to go on the offensive. “You live out here, too?” he tried again.

“Mm. Oh, I’m on the move, most of the time. But it’s nice to have a place to stay when I’m here. A roof, a hot meal, a bath…all that jazz. In exchange for the heavy lifting.” Rude could hear his smile. 

Kunsel had side-stepped giving a direct answer. Rude would have done the same thing. He wouldn’t want a potential enemy to know where his home base was. But he sensed there was truth in what he said, too. And that he wouldn’t get many more details about where Kunsel spent his time or what he was doing. But he asked anyway. “On the move? Where? Doing what?”

Kunsel chuckled and looked over his shoulder at him. “Nice try.” He grinned, his teeth flashing in the gloom. “Next question, Turk.”

Rude glowered at him. Alright. If he wanted to play like that, he would get right to the meat of the matter. “Are you and Cissnei…together?” 

He saw Kunsel’s broad shoulders tense for an instant, then relax. “No,” he said quietly.

“She seems pretty comfortable with you,” Rude didn’t bother to hide his belligerence. He definitely didn’t like to think of Kunsel having a bath in that house. “Kotaro, too.”

Kunsel looked at him curiously. “Yeah. So? We’re friends. We’ve known each other for a long time. That a problem?”

“No” Rude let out his breath. He was having a hard time remaining objective in this situation. “I just…I was…wasn’t expecting to see her again. We…we all thought she was dead. And to find her here…with a…with Kotaro…” he trailed off, not sure of what else to say. He wondered if the SOLDIER knew who’s son Kotaro was. He didn’t doubt that he did.

“Yeah.” Kunsel said snidely. “I imagine it was rather a shock, wasn’t it. I heard you two were an item at the time. But Tseng is pretty tight-lipped. Even with his Turks.”

“…what?” Rude’s hands clenched on the bar of the cart handle. “Tseng? He knew? How do you know this?”

Kunsel was silent. He directed the cart to a concrete pad with a pump in the middle of it and a hose hanging to one side. He attached the hose to the pump, and handed it to Rude. “Put it in one barrel at a time,” he said and started to work the pump handle, priming it. 

Rude stood with the hose in his fist. It wasn’t until cold water gushed out of the hose and wet his pants that he came back to himself. Uncapping one of the barrels, he fed the hose into it and held it in place while Kunsel pumped the water up from the ground.

“Of course Tseng knew,” Kunsel finally said. “Is there anything Tseng isn’t aware of? He called me to meet him one day, showed up with an unconscious Cissnei, told me to take care of her, and left. He contacted me with more info later…and of course he expected regular reports, but yeah…that’s Tseng. Plays his cards close to his vest. A person’s gotta fill in a lot of the blanks for himself, with him.”

Water gurgled and rushed as the barrel filled. “What happened?” Rude held onto the hose for dear life. 

“She’d been pretty badly torn up. I don’t know…for some reason Tseng wanted her out of HQ, gone and right away. She should have been in the infirmary, but he said that wasn’t an option. Her wounds had been field dressed, and then he gave her to me. So I did what I could.” Kusnel jerked his chin at Rude. “Next one. That one’s full.”

“Ah…” Rude quickly transferred the hose, and the second barrel began to fill. Kunsel hadn’t even broken a sweat, but Rude was drenched in more than just water. 

“Is…is that what happened to her voice?” he asked, in a bit of a daze.

“Oh. No,” Kunsel didn’t look up. “No, that happened later. She…it was a hard labour, for her. She’s so small.” His mouth flattened into a grim line. “Almost three days. She screamed so much…at the end she didn’t have the strength to make any noise at all. I nearly lost them both. Her throat never really healed properly.”

“Why…why didn’t you take her to the infirmary? A c-section….” The thought of Cissnei in such unrelenting agony was a horror. She was so stoic. He couldn’t remember ever hearing her actually scream. She must have been out of her mind with pain.

“I wanted to. I contacted Tseng. He said no. Just…to do my best, and whatever happened, happened. Gods!” Kunsel spat to one side. “If I thought the man was cold before…Cissnei was like a daughter to him, and he just…threw her away!”

“But when I realized Kotaro…who his father is…I understood.” He sighed. “Tseng’s priorities have always been different than the rest of us. Well, most of us. You Turks are all the same. Cold. Hard. Think you’re so superior.” The pump handle groaned with the force Kunsel was applying to it, and he eased off, not wanting to break it. 

Rude stared at the hose. “This one’s full, too” he said. And Kunsel stopped pumping. He took the hose off and hung it up again while Rude capped the second barrel. Kunsel checked both caps and the straps, and then took up the T-bar again. 

Rude got behind the handle to push. They started back. 

“Why? Why did Tseng send her away in the first place? Why not just abort the…the pregnancy?”

Kunsel glanced at him. “I don’t know how much of this I should be telling you. If she wants you to know, she can tell you herself.”

Rude decided to bluff. “I’m sure she would. We just haven’t had a chance to talk yet. But it might be easier for her if you told me. So that she doesn’t have to go over something so painful, right?”

Kunsel snorted, cutting his eyes at Rude. He wasn’t fooled. But he let it go. “Right. Well. She didn’t know she was pregnant. It was months before she fully recovered from her injuries, only to find out then. And then she wouldn’t. And then it was too late.”

“But…how could she?” Rude spoke almost to himself, not sure which part of the whole sordid story he was referring to. And not sure it mattered. Kunsel didn’t miss his comment, but chose to ignore it.

“Her choice. My opinion didn’t matter. And after, when I told Tseng, he didn’t seem surprised. So I figured it was just one of those things that happen, y’know? And that Tseng was hedging his bets, keeping Rufus’ son in the wings.” 

“And what does he think he’s going to do with a son who is…” Rude searched for a word. “…is so different.” he finished lamely.

“He doesn’t know.”

“Who? Rufus? Or Tseng?”

“Both.” Kunsel shrugged. “Tseng knows there is a son. That’s all. Cissnei made me promise I wouldn’t tell him more. After all she’s been through, and knowing how children like him are treated, I gave her that. I figure it’s up to her if she ever wants to let either of them know.”

“…oh, gods.” The cart jammed in a shallow rut and they had to pause and almost lift it out. The physical exertion felt good, and Rude was a little calmer as they pulled up behind Cissnei’s cottage. 

“Gotta get the barrels emptied into the tank. I can lift ‘em. You put the spigot on and make sure it gets into the right place.”

Rude was handed a funnel-like contraption that fit onto the opening of the barrels. He attached it and stepped inside to open the tank. He heard Kunsel grunt as he hoisted one of the barrels and carried it inside. Rude guided the spigot into the tank and Kunsel held the barrel as it emptied, his mako-enhanced muscles making light work of it.

Cissnei poked her head around the inner doorway “You’re back. I’ll start the eggs cooking. They’ll be on the table when you’re done here.” She ducked back inside and they could hear Lady Victoria squawk and Kotaro giggle. 

The second barrel was brought in and up-ended. Soon the last few gallons glugged into the tank; Kunsel took the empty outside and secured the cart while Rude closed the tank, which was now satisfactorily full. 

Kunsel returned and they stood looking at each other for a minute. 

“Not all of us Turks are so cold and hard,” Rude said softly. “Thank you. For looking after her.”

The SOLDIER wasn’t moved. His expression was still guarded, and his eyes glowed. “If she wants you here, that’s her call, man. But if you betray either of them, that makes you my business.”

“Understood.”

Kunsel turned and went into the house, his demeanor instantly changing. “Mmm! Something smells good! Whatcha got cookin’ for hungry men, eh? Me and Socks worked up an appetite!”

“kuh!” Kotaro held out his hand from his seat at the table, obviously wanting Kunsel to come and join him. He saw Rude come in and yelled out “socks!”, extending the invitation to him, too. Rude grimaced. Damn Kunsel!

Cissnei was folding an omelette in a pan on the heating unit, and a salad, toast and tea sat on the table. “Sit,” she said. “Come and eat!”

Rude hesitated. He couldn’t. This was just not something he could do, right now. 

Kunsel tucked a spoon into Kotaro’s chubby fist, made sure it was secure, and looked up, waiting to see what Rude would do. He neither encouraged him to sit, nor told him to leave.

“…um…I have to go,” Rude said, moving slowly toward the front door, then more determinedly. “I’m sorry…late…need to get back. But thank you. Goodnight, Cissnei, Kotaro.” He paused. “Kunsel.”

“Oh.” Was it his imagination or did he hear disappointment in Cissnei’s rough voice? “Alright. Just a minute, I’ll walk you back.” 

“No, “Rude said. “I can go alone. Stay.” He stepped out the door. “Goodnight.” He closed it behind him, shutting out the sight of those bright blue eyes burning into him.


	12. Chapter 12

Chapter 12

Rufus woke in a sweat, tangled in shredded sheets, a metallic taste in his mouth. Shaking, he managed to sit, scrubbing his hands over his face and swallowing convulsively. The nightmare fog refused to let go of his mind. He shivered, chilled, as the sweat dried on him, and he came back to wakefulness.

Automatically he reached out for the heavy, comforting warmth that should have been at the end of the bed…and its absence brought him fully back to the present. He sat still for a moment, his eyes blank…loss after loss after loss…the demons threatened to escape, to fly up and overwhelm him with the fury of their wings, to coil their cold, dark scaliness around him, choking him and dragging him down forever.

“…no,” he said aloud. He slammed the lid on the box in his mind, trapping the horrors inside once more, and keeping his small bright hope next to his heart. He would survive.

Slowly, he unwound the blankets, and forced himself out of bed. Food. He needed something to eat. Coffee. Dragging his robe around himself, he went in search of both.

Reno glanced up as the President came in, his hair sticking up, and the belt of his robe trailing on the ground behind him. “Rough night, Boss?” he asked.

“…uh” Rufus poured a cup of coffee, his hand trembling; dumped in sugar and creamer; and took it and a muffin to his favourite chair. He settled in the late morning sun, closing his eyes, soaking in its heat and letting the light penetrate to every corner of his aching soul.

For once Reno kept his smart remarks to himself. He was well aware of the dreams that plagued his boss, as were they all. There was nothing to be gained by bringing them up, and perhaps a lot to lose. He turned back to cleaning his gun and EMR, both of which were disassembled on the table. He picked up another piece, inspecting it, whistling a soft little tune.

Tseng and Reeve arrived a few minutes later. Reeve was loaded down with several rolled charts and a messenger bag bulging with his latest plans. Tseng, who had escorted him in, went to bend over Rufus. His hand passed lightly along his throat, pausing over his pulse, and then drifted down to touch his shoulder. Rufus groaned softly, not moving, and Tseng let him be. 

Reeve fussed around the table, looking for a place to put his stuff. Reno ignored him and connected a charge checker to the haft of his EMR. 

Finally Reeve stopped by Reno’s side and sighed. “Reno, I need some room!”

“Ain’t my problem, yo.”

“Yes, it is! You’re spread all over creation here! I have important things to show Rufus and I can’t if you don’t MOVE!”

“Everythin’s always so important with you. Always an emergency, yo.”

“Reno.” Tseng’s tone told him not to push.

“Yeah, yeah.” Reno took his time snapping his gun back together while Reeve jiggled impatiently. Reno tucked the gun into his waistband, and gathered up his cleaning supplies and his EMR. “All yours, man.” He made a mocking little bow. Reeve gargled incoherently at him and started to set up his presentation. 

Tseng lowered his brows at Reno as the redhead sauntered past him. Reno snapped his teeth at him in an innocent grin. He had no interest in hearing Reeve’s over-the-top jabber today. He pitied Rufus having to listen, from the state he appeared to be in this morning. 

Well, not his concern. He stepped out and found Rude sitting on the steps of the deck. 

“Hey, bro,” he said, fishing a smoke out of his pocket and cupping his hands to light it. “S’up?”

“Oh, hey, partner.” Rude shoved over a bit on the stairs so Reno could sit. “Not much.”

Reno offered the cigarette, as he always did, and, as always, Rude shook his head. 

“You been awful quiet the last week, yo.” Reno took a deep drag. “I mean, more than usual. An’ y’keep takin’ off.” The smoke curled out of his nostrils. “S’up, yo?” he asked again.

Rude nibbled on his thumb. He looked out over the road. No traffic. He could hear Reeve’s excited babble inside the Lodge and the occasional low comment from Rufus. 

Rude picked at a sliver of wood on the railing. “You ever seen…” he stopped, unsure if he should bring anything up.

“What?” Reno asked. “Seen lotsa stuff, yo.”

Rude gave a short laugh. “Yeah. Well…you ever heard of kids…people…who can…can change what they look like? And have marks…or something?”

He felt Reno stiffen beside him. “Marks? Like what?”

“Well, like…tattoos, or…scales…feathers…not just costumes, though…” Rude really did not know how to describe what he had seen. But it seemed he didn’t have to. 

Reno stood abruptly. He turned and climbed the step back to the deck and strode to the railing. He stood looking out over the road, his eyes narrowed. “Spawn of Ifrit, yo.”

“What?”

“That’s what they’re called, where I come from, yo. Evil…freaks…possessed. Steer clear of them, partner. Not worth your trouble.”

“Sounds like you’ve had personal experience with them.” 

Reno dropped his cigarette and ground it out like he was crushing some ugly insect to death. He lit another and drew in a deep lungful. “Could say that, yeah.”

“What happened?”

The pungent smoke blew out in a long steady stream. “Look, bro. It was a long time ago. Different life, yeah? Just….stay away from them freaks, yo. Good thing not many of them around. Mostly killed when they’re little.” He sneered. “Easier to stamp out, yo.”

“But why? What’s so bad about them? Just because they look different, maybe…act different…is that reason to kill them?” 

Rude turned a bit where he sat on the top step and looked up at his fellow Turk. Reno stood above him, his flaming hair backlit by the sun. His face was in shadow, except for the two crimson marks that stood out on his cheekbones. He looked sinister. Otherworldly. Not the familiar partner Rude knew at all. 

The end of the cigarette glowed and faded as Reno raised it to his lips and sucked again. His eyes were hooded. “Little ‘uns can change fast like, and come at ya. Don’t take much ta set ‘em off. Not many make it t’be older, but those have more control. Pass as normal for the most part. An’ that’s more dangerous, yo.” Smoke streamed out of his mouth and nose as he talked. “Lotsa stories ‘bout what they can do, too. Prolly just old wives tales, but scare people more.”

Rude was quiet for a minute. “Do you think Tseng knows about these…people?” 

“Prolly. Dunno. Dun care”. Reno pushed by him and clattered down the stairs. Rude watched as he jumped into the car sitting on the driveway, slammed the door and took off with a roar of gravel. 

Rude passed a hand over his head, rubbing the back of his neck. His partner’s reaction troubled him. It didn’t fit with what he had seen himself, his own experience, but he had to admit he knew very little about this subject. Reno obviously knew more about it than he did. There were things in Reno’s past that he didn’t share about, even with his partner of many years. Rude respected that, but at times like this it he wished he knew more. 

Sighing, he got up, dusting off his rear, and went back inside. Reeve was still talking, and Rufus was looking a little more alert, and the two of them were bent over the table.

Tseng jerked his head at Rude, motioning him over to where he stood by the window. Always vigilant, Tseng was. Even within Healin, a safe house, he never let his guard down. Rude didn’t really want to talk to him at this time, but he obeyed his superior. 

“How’s Rufus?” he asked, hoping to keep things superficial.

“Better, now that Reeve has distracted him. You’ve been out on your own a lot lately.” Tseng got right to the point. 

“Yes.” 

“And? Something I need to know about?”

Rude paused, not wanting to blurt out what he knew. “I’ve been thinking a lot lately,” he said carefully. 

“About?”

“About Cissnei.”

Tseng’s dark eyes bored into him. They stared at Rude like two flat black buttons, unblinking, inscrutable.

Rude kept his own face blank.

“You still miss her.”

“Of course I do.” Rude couldn’t help his next question or the hint of resentment in it. “Don’t we all?”

Tseng gave him nothing. “Don’t let wishes and memories rule your present.”

“What about regrets?” Rude knew he was treading on dangerous ground.

“Those, too. Those especially.” Tseng looked at Rufus’ blond head next to Reeve’s dark one. “Those especially. We have to deal with the here and now. And plan for the future.” 

“Sometimes the future takes its own shape. One we can’t control.” 

“Are you trying to tell me something, Rude?” There was a warning edge in Tseng’s voice. It cut like a blade through the suddenly quiet room.

Reeve had stuttered to a stop, sensing the tension, and realizing he no longer had Rufus’ attention. The President was focused on the two Turks, listening intently to their conversation. 

Rude refused to take the bait. He knew better than to challenge Tseng. Especially in front of Rufus. 

“No. No, sir. Just an observation.”

Tseng hadn’t moved but he might as well have had his face shoved into Rude’s; the aggression in his aura was palpable. “The future will be what we make it,” he said. 

“Yes, sir.” 

Rufus bit his lip. “Go on,” he said to Reeve, who happily pushed the next chart at him and started chattering again.


	13. Chapter 13

Chapter 13

Rude took care to keep a low profile for the next week. Routine patrols and watch duty took most of his time, and when he had leisure time, he stayed at the Lodge or made a point of doing something innocuous. However, he knew Tseng would be suspicious of too great a change in his routine, so he did go into the city, to the market streets, wandering around, acting normally. And he made sure to frequent all of Edge, not just the section that led into the waste.

But it was hard. He wondered what was going on outside the city, and cursed himself for forgetting to ask Cissnei for her phone number. On the other hand, though, he was glad he didn’t have it. He’d be too tempted to call, and Tseng would be on top of that like a Guard Hound on a rat. But his mind was often preoccupied, especially as Reeve firmed up arrangements for a ground survey of the area he and Reno had flown over. 

Reeve had many grand plans, and the goal of opening more areas to settlement was just part of the big picture. Rufus dreamed along with him, and the remaining Turks did their best to make the way smooth and safe. They were not city planners, though, and their role still remained recon, security and intelligence.

In that capacity Rude was taking Rufus to meet with Reeve at the Seventh Heaven. Rufus had been fidgety all morning. He had been pacing around his quarters, picking things up and putting them down, trying on one jacket and then another, disregarding the fact that they were all alike. Rude stood patiently waiting to help him on with his body armour. Finally Rufus sighed and came to stand in front of him, turning his back so Rude could slip the vest on. 

Rufus felt the familiar weight settle onto him. Most would have found ten extra pounds a tiring burden to carry around, but after wearing it daily for most of his life, he felt its absence more than its presence. His mouth twisted wryly: the metaphor of the burden he carried, and had carried since he was born, was not lost on him. He felt comfort and safety encased in his armour, both literal and figurative. 

He looked in the mirror, past his own reflection, to the Turk behind him. They were a study in contrasts: pale skin and dark, white suit with black accents, black suit with white. Light and dark. He snorted. Appearances could be deceiving. Which of the two of them hid the darker secrets, he wondered. Or the purer heart.

His mind shied away from such thoughts. The Turk’s hands were as bloody as his own, he knew. Instead he straightened his tie, determined not to be outdone by his dark shadow today. He ran a hand through his hair and tossed his head just a bit. He saw Rude give a tiny nod and step back. Without words they both knew the effort it took some days to take up the burden and walk tall with it. 

Now they sat in the car, travelling into Edge, and Rufus was still twitchy. His fingers tapped on his knees and his leg bounced. Rude kept his attention on the road and their surroundings, scanning constantly for trouble, but he was not unaware of the President’s mood.

Rufus cleared his throat. Rude waited. 

A few minutes later, another little “ahem”. Rufus plucked at his pants, and then moved his hand to the arm rest. 

“I remember Cissnei,” he finally said softly. 

Rude stared straight ahead. So did Rufus. 

“She made me laugh,” Rufus said. He turned his head away and looked out the side window. 

Rude gripped the wheel and his nostrils flared as he breathed deeply. 

“What happened to her?” Rufus asked, still gazing out the window.

“I don’t know,” Rude answered, and it was the truth. He didn’t know what had happened to make her leave. Or, more accurately, for her to be removed. But he was surprised that Rufus didn’t know, and that he would ask him. Obviously he had been working up to this. Perhaps he didn’t think Tseng would answer him, based on how Tseng had reacted to Rude the other day.

He wasn’t enjoying this conversation. He didn’t think Rufus was either. But it must have been important to him, for he pushed on instead of letting things drop. “I wish I knew,” Rufus said. 

“Why not ask Tseng?” 

“I did. Once. He told me not to concern myself.”

“That was it?”

“Yes. You know that tone he has. I didn’t ask again. After all, he’s right.” Rufus tapped his fingers on the arm rest. “We’ve lost alot of people in the last few years. Add her to the list.”

“But...you still wonder sometimes?” 

“.....alot of people,” Rufus muttered, as if Rude hadn’t spoken. “I can’t even remember what some of them looked like now.” He paused. “But I remember her.”

Rude glanced sideways. Rufus stared straight ahead, his lips parted a bit, and a slight flush on his cheekbones. His fingers were still, his leg quiet. Rude gritted his teeth and drove on in the silence. 

 

Rude stood just inside the door of the room on the upper floor of the bar, on alert while Rufus and Reeve had their meeting. The bar was quiet mid-day, but he had checked it out anyway, top to bottom, always doing his duty, before he left them to their discussion. He could hear everything they talked about, and kept his ears perked. He was sure Cissnei would want to know whatever he could tell her.

Tifa came up the stairs with a tray of lunch for the men. Rude opened the door for her and she murmured her thanks as she went past, her breast brushing his arm. He jerked back as if she had stung him, and she smiled slyly. She made a point of teasing him every time she saw him, and he wasn’t sure if he liked it or dreaded it. Either way, it kept him on his toes in a place where the others came to relax. 

On her way out Tifa handed him a wrapped sandwich and a glass of lemonade. “You have to keep your strength up,” she murmured, slanting her eyes at him and crowding him a little as she went out again. Rude was glad of his darker complexion. Today Tifa’s attention set him on edge more than usual, but she would be displeased to know it wasn’t her he was thinking of.

Rude ate his sandwich and held the frosty glass against his hot face in between sips. It was going to be a long afternoon.


	14. Chapter 14

Chapter 14

The next few days were difficult. Rude had no chance to get away. Preparations for implementing Reeve’s plans were almost done, and the Turks were pressed into service as couriers and go-betweens in addition to their regular duties. Rude became more anxious as time went by: he wanted to inform Cissnei of what was happening as soon as possible. The more time she and the others had to decide what they were to do and to prepare, the better. But he had no way to getting the information to her except to take it himself, and to do that, he needed the opportunity to do so unseen and unfollowed.

Late one morning he cornered Reno as they were prepping the helo to take Reeve on an overhead tour of the Kalm area. “Hey, bro, need a favour.”

“Oh?” Reno’s expression was caught between interest and alarm. While he liked it when people owed him favours, he hated being roped into doing more than he had to, even for his partner and friend.

“Could you take watch for me tonight? I have something I need to do.” Rude kept his voice casual and avoided looking up, but he could feel Reno’s sharp eyes on him.

“Hhn. Maybe. What’s in it for me, yo?”

“What do you want?” At this point, Rude was beyond bargaining…as long as what Reno wanted was within reason.

“Pay me back double, yo,” Reno said immediately. “When I ask.” Then he paused, looking thoughtful. “And a pound of that chocobo jerky…y’know, the hot stuff. And a case of stubbies. And yer gonna play chess with me all weekend, till yer butt falls asleep and yer eyes are crossed, yo!”

Rude groaned. “Three nights, and no chess!”

“Two nights, two cases of beer, the jerky, a dozen éclairs and the chess is non-negotiable!”

“Fine,” Rude felt he had somehow been bamboozled.

Reno whooped, slapping him on the back. “Got yerself a deal, partner!” His green eyes sparkled. “Must be some hot mama for ya to take that bait, yo! She puttin’ the screws to ya, since ya haven’t been able to sneak out’n see her lately? Or is it th’other way ‘round, yo?” Rude swiped at him angrily, and Reno ducked and stuck out his tongue, laughing. “Don’t worry. Y'go have a good time tonight and I’ll even make sure Tseng dun get suspicious, yo. That’ll be worth the chess, wonnit?” He dogged the last hatch and climbed into the cockpit to begin the pre-flight check.

Rude sighed. He had to admit it was. “I’ll be back before dawn, but yeah. Thanks, man.”

Reno stopped and looked down at him. “No arguin’? No ‘scuses? I’m right! There is a girl!”

Was there a point in denying it any longer? If things worked out as Rude hoped they would, the others would meet her soon enough. The first person he would normally confide in would be Reno, but this time the memory of Reno’s reaction to his questions about the children stopped him. It could wait a bit longer.

“Maybe,” he said, not meeting Reno’s gaze. 

Reno snorted. “Well, get yer ass in here, yo, and let’s get this mission done so _maybe_ ya can go and _maybe_ meet someone special tonight. _Maybe_.”

“Maybe I’ll shut your big mouth for you later, too,” Rude growled, heading towards the co-pilot’s side.

“And _maybe_ you’ll beat me in chess this time, and _maybe_ Tseng’ll dress up as a moogle next October, and _maybe_ I’ll be able to fly without a chopper one day!” Reno cackled. He started to hum “Fly me to the Moon” as he continued down his check list and ignored Rude’s grumbling.

 

Rude had hoped to get away much earlier but again it was late afternoon before he was able to escape. True to his word, Reno had Tseng fully engaged in a discussion on tactics, and Elena was helping Rufus with dinner; he was able to slip out with minimal fuss and an assurance that Tseng would not be following him this time.

He made a beeline to the market, and was nearly at the alley when he had an idea. Since it was so late, perhaps he should bring something for dinner. Food seemed pretty basic out there; perhaps a treat, something different, would be appreciated, especially if he were to show up unannounced close to meal time. If they had already eaten, he’d make sure it was something that could be saved for another time.

With that in mind, Rude turned back and kept his eyes and nose open for something particularly yummy. His preference for the shrimp dumplings won, and he was about to head in that direction when he passed a stall where candy floss was being spun into elaborate sugary flowers. He stood and watched for a few minutes, debating. If he brought something like that Kotaro would want some. A vision of adding pure sugar to the screaming ball of energy he had encountered last time made him shudder. Nope.

However, the sweets seller also had caramels, and brittle, and bars of dark chocolate wrapped in colourful foil. Cissnei loved chocolate. He bought three bars, one with orange flavour, one with almonds and one plain. But thinking of Kotaro made him realize he better not go without something for the child. The problem was, he had no idea what he would like. Maybe a ball. Maybe a pair of socks…that made Rude chuckle out loud, scaring a couple of kids who were hanging back and watching him. He wondered if he should reassure them or just grin and scare them out of five years growth. No, he knew nothing about children, ordinary or otherwise.

He wandered up and down, looking for inspiration. A knife? No. He veered away from the weapons shop. Kotaro was too young for anything there. Rude picked up a wooden train, spinning the wheels. It was cunningly carved, but somehow didn’t fit. He wondered if the boy even knew what a train was. Maybe a bubble pipe? He was about to purchase that, when his eye fell on a stack of plush toys. The kid had a chicken to play with, but what child that age didn’t like to cuddle up with a soft friend at night? He picked through the pile to see if there was a bear or something similar. And then he saw a black dog-like shape, its distinctive head and neck tentacle sticking out of the heap, and fished out a stuffed Guard Hound. Perfect!

Feeling terribly pleased with himself, and thinking that somehow chocolate and Hounds were good omens and would hopefully mitigate the news he had to share, Rude ordered large containers of shrimp dumplings, steamed vegetables, and spicy noodles with toasted sesame seeds; bought a bag to carry everything in; and trotted off down the alley and out into the waste.

Rude made good time. This time he knew where he was going, and spent less time gawking along the way. He did get stopped again by a sentry, but things went more smoothly. The rather hungry-looking young woman was more interested in his bag than in searching him, and once he had identified himself and sacrificed a few dumplings, he was allowed on his way. 

He assumed the guard would have contacted Cissnei to let her know he had passed through the checkpoint, even though he had been given clearance, and sure enough, when he got close to her house he could see the candle glowing in the window through the dusk. Rude couldn’t help the pang in his heart. It was such a homey sight, and the feeling of knowing that someone was waiting for him, expecting him, and had put that light out, made his throat tight with happiness.

For a few minutes. Then it occurred to him that she might not have lit that candle for him. Maybe she was expecting Kunsel back tonight, and it had already been lit for him. Maybe she was signaling her friend Mara to come over, like she had before. Now he felt rather nauseous. He swallowed. Well, no matter. He was here, and he would find out soon enough if she was happy to see him or not.

Biting his lip and taking a deep breath, he knocked on the door.

The door opened almost immediately, and Kunsel stood there, blocking any view inside. “Heya, Socks!” the SOLDIER said cheerfully, but his wide smile didn’t quite make it all the way to his eyes. Rude reached up and removed his glasses, determined to be polite.

“Good evening, Kunsel,” he said. “Is Cissnei here? I’d like to talk to her, please.”

“You came all the way out here just to talk to her?” Kunsel didn’t move. “Why not just give her a call? Or wait until you, y’know, _run_ into her in town again.”

“Kunsel!” Cissnei’s harsh voice had an edge to it. “Move yourself. Let him in.” A hand appeared on the large man’s bicep and tightened. Kunsel gave Rude a hard stare and stepped aside, and Cissnei transferred her grip to Rude’s arm and drew him in. “Hi,” she said, and Rude couldn’t help breaking into a large smile. His mind was suddenly empty of why he was standing there, staring into her amber eyes and feeling like a fool. A happy fool, but a fool nonetheless.

“Here, I brought you these!” he blurted and thrust the bag at her. She took it automatically, surprised. “What’s this? It smells good!”

“…uh…supper?” Rude suddenly wondered if the chocolate had melted from the heat of the food, and if it had ruined the toy. Panic set in. He could see his grand gesture going down in flames and making him look stupid. In front of Kunsel. And he would have nothing to give Cissnei. He couldn’t think of what to say to potentially make it better, and only managed to make a little croak of despair.

But Cissnei smiled. “Supper? Then your timing is great. Come and sit down while I dish this up. Kunsel, please go get Kotaro. It’s time for him to come in anyway.”

Rude took off his boots and made his way to the table, while Cissnei unpacked the bag in the kitchen. “Mmm, are these dumplings from the market? I love those! But we rarely get them…and these noodles!” Her little happy noises stopped abruptly and Rude sank into his chair, waiting for the axe to fall.

“…chocolate…” He could barely hear her “…and…”

Slowly Rude raised his eyes to find her standing with a bar of chocolate in one hand and the plushie in the other. Her long, loose shirt and pants and bare feet made her look so young and vulnerable. She was staring at the toy, her face blank, and his heart clenched. She was going to explode at him, he knew it. She’d throw him out and he’d never see her again. Why had he thought that thing would be a good idea? Why?! Those cursed Hounds were always causing problems, alive or otherwise!

But she looked up at him and he only saw the tears standing in her eyes again and a mouth tight with pain. Then Kunsel burst in through the back door, with a giggling Kotaro under one arm and an angry hen under the other. “Look what I found in the dirt outside!” he called. “One tried to fly away but I caught them both! Now, which do we want for dinner, hmm? I don’t particularly like feathers stuck in my throat, so I think we should go for this tender young grub here!” The SOLDIER turned the boy sideways and pretended to gnaw on his tummy. “Nom nom nom!”

Kotaro shrieked with laughter and flailed around, while Lady Victoria escaped with a squawk and whizzed past Rude’s head as she made for her box. He didn’t blame her. He wished he could crawl into the cubbyhole with her and disappear.

Kunsel shook Kotaro upside down a few times for good measure, making his blond hair stand out like the fluff on a dandelion, and then plunked him into his chair. Kotaro dizzily clutched the edge of the table and wheezed happily, trying to catch his breath. Moving with that SOLDIER grace and speed, Kunsel was by Cissnei’s side and taking a bite out of the chocolate before Rude could say anything. Cissnei blinked, then snatched the bar out of his hand and slammed him in the gut. “Mine!” she growled, and tucked it back in the bag with the others.

“oof!” Kunsel’s eyes bulged for a second but he managed not to spit out his treat. 

“I didn’t get you anything. Sorry.” Rude didn’t even bother to try to sound sincere.

“Awww, I’m devastated!” Kunsel sniffed, wiping a pretend tear from his eye as he sat down. Kotaro looked at him in concern. “kuh?” He patted the man’s muscular, freckled forearm and craned his head to see if he was really crying. “kay?” 

“Yeah, I’m okay, buddy.” Kunsel made a duck face at the boy, who didn’t seem convinced. “Rude here was just teasing me. Right, Rude?” He and Kotaro both turned to stare at Rude, who managed not to squirm.

“ood!” Kotaro’s scowl said he was not pleased. There followed a mini-lecture of unintelligible words, but Rude got the gist of it. He had a sudden vision of this boy in twenty years, and shivered. He hoped he’d never be on the receiving end of a reprimand at that time, and he didn’t know what made him feel that way. Rude had a reputation for being one of the toughest and most stoic of the Turks, but there was something about this boy that made him quiver deep inside. Maybe it was the Cissnei in him. He had never felt so scared of Rufus or taken him so seriously.

Cissnei was putting dishes on the table in front of them and urging them to eat. She joined them, looked at Rude for a minute, and then turned to her son. “Kotaro, Rude brought a present for you. Would you like it?”

Kotaro crammed part of a dumpling into his mouth and nodded. Cissnei put the stuffed Hound on the table in front of him; Rude heard Kunsel growl softly and saw those mako-bright eyes glaring at him under lowered ginger brows. He shrugged at him, pleased to see the SOLDIER’s jaw tighten, and waited to see how his gift would be received. 

Kotaro was staring at the toy while Cissnei wiped shrimp off his hands, and as soon as she let him go, he reached for it. Instead of grabbing it like most children of his age, he picked it up gently, feeling it, petting it, turning it around and around and examining it from all angles. Finally he hugged it to himself and sat there, beaming from under his bangs.

“What do you say?” Cissnei prompted.

“kew,” the boy whispered. “kew!”

Rude saw Cissnei swallow hard, and then cover by taking a drink of milk.

“You’re welcome, Kotaro,” Rude said solemnly. “I thought of you when I saw it. I’m glad you like it.”

Kotaro nodded, squeezing the toy close to his chest and petting it.

“You’ll have to think of a name for him soon. A fine Hound like that will need a proper name.” Rude tried his best to connect with the child.

Kotaro closed his eyes for a minute, petting the toy, then opened them again and looked down at it. “socks,” he said proudly.

There was a snorfling sound as Kunsel choked on his noodles, and Cissnei bit her lip to keep from smiling too hard. “That’s…that’s a fine name,” she said. “A very good name for a puppy. Now, finish your supper. Socks will sit over here and supervise until you’re done.”

Rude didn’t know whether to be flattered or insulted. He settled for relief, and was finally able to enjoy his meal. Until he heard Kunsel, his good humour restored, muttering under his breath. “A good name. A very good name. Gonna like calling that dog to heel!” 

Rude gave him a sour look, and Kunsel grinned back. “Looks like you brought me something after all,” he said, and helped himself to more dumplings.

The rest of the meal was quiet. Kotaro was in his own little world, and only had eyes for his new pup. Cissnei alternated between helping her son to eat, keeping the toy out of harm’s way, feeding herself, and glancing at Rude. 

Rude couldn’t tear his eyes off Cissnei. Something had changed between the two of them, in that moment before Kunsel had come back in. Some wall had come down between them. Cissnei’s face glowed when she looked at him. She looked alive, more alive than he had seen her since he had found her again. Like she finally dared to hope that there would be something more than just pain in her life.

He watched her, the small graceful movements of her hands, the curve of her back, and when she got up to get more milk for Kotaro, the small turn of her hips, that particular way she had of moving. He realized with a start that that was one of the first things he had recognized of her, even under the baggy clothing; despite her mastery of walking like a boy, she couldn’t hide that tiny rotation that he knew so well.

Kunsel sat back, observing the two of them, his eyes flicking back and forth. He tapped his fork on the table, tiny little nicks that went unnoticed by the others. Finally he put the utensil down and shoved his chair back. “Well!” he said brightly. “Kotaro, what do you say we go show Mara your new puppy? I bet she’d love to see it!”

Cissnei frowned. “It’s getting late. He needs his bath. He can show her tomorrow.”

“Oh, I think this is something that can’t wait.” Kunsel got up and grabbed a pack from one of the cubicles, slinging it over his shoulder. He came around the table and plucked the child out of his chair, making sure he had the toy, too.

“But…” 

“Cissnei.” Kunsel looked down at her as she rose and tried to take Kotaro from him. “He’ll be fine. Mara can bathe him. She’s done it before. In fact, I think we’ll have a sleepover there tonight!” He shifted the boy higher in his arms, not allowing his mother to pull him away. “How’d you like that, eh, big guy? You and I will both stay with Mara. I bet she’ll make us popcorn. With butter!” 

Kotaro smiled and nodded. 

“But…”

“Say goodnight to everyone,” Kunsel instructed.

“ni ni, ood.” Kotaro peeked around the SOLDIER’s neck to wave at Rude, who waved back. “ni ni, mama.” He reached out to Cissnei, who looked stricken. She moved in to hug him and he hugged her back, giving her a big, wet, smacking kiss on the cheek. She pushed his hair out of his eyes and kissed him back.

“Goodnight, my chick. Be good for Mara. I’ll see you tomorrow.” If her smile seemed a bit watery, Kotaro was focused again on his toy and didn’t notice. But Kunsel did. He tossed a warning look at Rude, and then nodded at Cissnei before striding out the door.

Their absence left the little house very quiet. Cissnei sank back down in her chair and didn’t move. Rude finally spoke to break the awkward silence. “I’m supposed to be back at the Lodge tonight.”

“Oh.” Cissnei looked down at her lap, and, strangely, Rude could see her blush. “Of course. I’m…sorry. I don’t know why he did that. You better be heading back now. It’s late.”

“Reno’s covering for me,” Rude said slowly. “If I’m late, it won’t matter.”

“Oh,” she said again, still looking down. “You could stay, for a while, then. If you want.”

Rude considered this. Really, there was only one answer he could give. But would that be what she wanted to hear? He wasn’t sure. Four years ago, she wouldn’t have had to ask, and he wouldn’t have had to think about his reply. But now, everything was different. Still, he had only one thing to say. Taking a deep breath, he said softly, “Yes. I do”

“Alright. Would you like tea?” she asked, getting up and heading to the cupboard for the teapot.

“No,” Rude said. “I’ve had enough.”

“Oh.” Cissnei faltered, one hand on the teapot. She looked lost. 

Rude found himself standing behind her as she stood by the counter. He could see her trembling. He wondered what he should do. He didn’t want to scare her off. She seemed on the verge of running again, like she had that day in the market.

He reached out tentatively to touch her shoulder. “Cissnei…”

Suddenly she was in his arms, hands behind his neck, pulling his head down, pressing against him, mouth devouring his. His hands came up automatically, trying to steady her, to steady himself, trying to breathe as his mind tried to process what was happening. Somehow he was being pushed across the room by a person half his size. His shirt was off, belt undone, they were in a smaller, darker room and then his knees buckled as he came up against the edge of the bed and fell awkwardly onto it with Cissnei on top of him.

“Ciss…” He was cut off as she latched on to him again, her tongue slipping briefly into his mouth, and he could feel her hot hands on his chest as she shifted slightly to one side and then began to work on his pants.

“Ciss…nuhh…I……” His words were as disjointed as his thoughts. This was not how he had been envisioning things but he couldn’t think, she was there, her taste, her hands were all over him, and he couldn’t help responding. She slid away, off the bed, and his pants were sliding down with her. He blinked, dazed, groping in the air where she had been just a second ago. She knelt on the floor in front of him and he sat up shakily, looking down at her. “Cissnei, what are you doing?”

She sat on her bare heels, still fully clothed except for her feet, and looked up at him. “Isn’t this what you want?” she asked. Carefully she reached out and put her hands on his knees, slowly moving them up his thighs. He couldn’t deny what she said; the evidence was right in front of her, but… “Yes. No. No, not like this. And I don’t want this…this…this is not you.”

He put his hands over hers, stopping them from going any farther, then slid his own up her arms and drew her forward, leaning forward to search her face. “Where are you, Cissnei? What I want is you. I want you back…” his voice broke. “I miss you so much.”

She was tense in his grip, no softness, and he could feel her shaking again. Those eyes were wide and hard, and stared up at him from under that alien black hair. He could feel her fingers digging into his thighs. Slowly, he let her go with one hand, and raised it to her cheek, tracing her brow and cheek with one finger, cupping her chin, and then leaning forward to kiss her, gently, thoroughly, on the lips. She made a tiny strangled sound, and her hands left his legs, coming up to hold his wrists. He waited for her to rip away from him, but she was still. He moved his head back a bit to look at her, and found her eyes closed as her breath came quickly between parted lips.

“There,” he whispered. “That’s better. We’ll just take it slow. That’s what I want. I want to talk to you, I want to listen to you, I want to find what we had before and have it again.”

“Come up here now.” He pulled her up and she came limply, sitting on the bed next to him. “No need to rush, right? Kunsel said they’d sleep over, and Kotaro will be okay, right?” Rude kept his voice quiet, aware that the mood was very fragile. It was like he held a skittish bird and at any moment it might take fright and fly away. He kept one hand on her at all times, hoping to keep her with him, and using the contact to judge her tension. 

“Yes,” she replied. “He stays with her when I’m gone at night. He’s used to it.”

“Good.” Little kisses punctuated his words, and he slid his hand to her shoulder, then across to her collarbone; the kisses followed, under her ear, and down her neck. He could feel her swallow, and he felt a bit dizzy himself. It was hard to go slow, after so long. Part of him wished he had let her continue with what she was doing before, but he knew that would come, if he was patient now. Flashes of some of the more wild times they had spent together came back to him and he couldn’t help but moan a little against her skin. He was already so hard. This would be difficult, but he didn’t want to shatter their new rapport.

She gasped in response to him, and he felt her hand on his side and her head tip back, inviting him to nibble on her throat. “Rude…” He could feel the vibration of her voice through his lips as she spoke, and he felt a jolt right to his core. Her hand slid down and he felt a feather touch on his hip. It hesitated, then grasped his shaft and squeezed and it was his turn to gasp. “Ohh, gods…”

Rude took her move as a positive sign that she was feeling more comfortable, and that was good. He knew he would have a hard time holding himself in check for much longer. It had been too long, too many nights alone with too many memories, and having her back in his arms now was overwhelming him. He groaned as she gently stroked him, and kissed her hard, drawing her down to lie next to him. He needed to touch her, too. He began to work on the buttons of her shirt, flicking them open one-handed with dexterous ease, while he pulled her close and rubbed her back. It wasn’t fair that he was naked and she still had all her clothes on.

He rolled slightly on top of her, his cock trapped between them, making them both squirm. She let him go as her arms came up behind him, hands traveling down the columns of muscle on either side of his spine and then gripping his butt, causing him to thrust against her. She whimpered and muttered something he couldn’t understand. All he knew was that there were still too many layers between them and he needed to do something about that immediately!

He didn’t want to let her go, but some maneuvering had to take place, and with both of them wiggling, her pants and underwear were kicked off and the sensation of her warm legs wrapping around him made Rude shut his eyes and breathe deeply for a minute, regaining control. After so long, he could hardly believe this was happening. Cissnei, his Cissnei, was right there, in his arms once more, when he thought he would never be with her again. 

Her shirt was finally undone, and this time he found neither bra nor binder. Rude felt her tense again, and kissed her deeply, hoping to reassure her as his hand engulfed her right breast and massaged it. She made a little whine and her hands came up against his chest, pushing. She had always been so sensitive to having her breasts touched, and he had always been happy to oblige. This was like saving the best until last, and he smiled, taking her response as a sign of her pleasured anticipation, as his hand moved to pay the same attention to her left breast. He wanted to touch her all over, reacquaint himself with every last inch of her.

And then he momentarily lost his bearings. In the haze of his own excitement he sensed something wasn’t quite right and his hand slid over her flesh, down her side and over her hip to her thigh, following a path it had taken many times before. Cissnei made a little sound of pain as he stopped, rising up on his elbow and looking down at her. His hand shook as he pulled back the edges of her shirt, and in that instant he was completely unmanned.

Red ridges of flesh ran from her ribs over her hips, the furrows in between them shadowed and puckered. The smooth outline of her hips and thighs was marred by divots of missing muscle and dimpled punctures. A similar set of marks ran horizontally over the front of her right thigh, four parallel gouges the same as those running around behind her buttocks. Her left nipple was gone, missing, the area scarred with what looked like a bite mark.

Rude felt sick. As a Turk he had seen plenty of bad wounds. They all had scars. But seeing such marks on her was unexpected and appalling. He tore his eyes from the evidence of the injuries she had sustained, realizing that he had completely forgotten what Kunsel had told him about how badly she had been hurt. He looked up at her anxiously, wondering what his face had shown in those seconds of shock.

Cissnei lay still, her face turned away from him, eyes closed, biting her lip. Rude found himself back at square one, gingerly reaching to touch her cheek. “Cissnei…”

“Don’t,” she said between clenched teeth. “I’m sorry.” 

“That’s not…” He couldn’t bear to think of her feeling that she was being rejected. “Did I hurt you..?”

She made a strangled sound, all the more unhappy for her ruined throat. “You? Do you know how often I thought of you? Wished I could contact you? Wanted to just…talk to you?” 

Rude felt all his own loneliness surge to the forefront. “As often as I thought of you..?” he whispered. “What happened to you? What happened to…us?”

He heard her breath catch, almost like she was choking, and then the dam burst and there was no holding things back. She was crying, huge, ugly gasping sobs, clutching at him, her face screwed up, mouth contorted, making sounds like her very soul was being dragged out of her belly and chest. Cissnei, who never screamed, never cried. It frightened him, and four years of his own pain and bewilderment and loss and grief crashed over him and he found himself sobbing, too, tears pouring down his face, unable to speak. 

Pressed close to each other, they cried themselves out, eventually tapering off into gasping hiccups and snuffles. Exhausted, they drifted into an aching sleep, and somewhere in the back of his mind, Rude had a last thought: he wondered if holding onto her body would somehow anchor her, and bring her wholly back to him again.


	15. Chapter 15

Chapter 15

The clean smell of mint tickled his nose, slowly bringing him into consciousness. Rude lay there breathing it in before he opened his eyes, registering that he was warm and comfortable in a blanket nest. Naked, warm and comfortable. There was something firm pressing against his hip. His eyes shot open and he had a moment of confusion at the unfamiliar ceiling, and the dim, cave-like gloom of the small room. This was not the Lodge. And the woman sitting cross-legged on the bed, her knee against him, cradling a mug in her hands and watching him with swollen red eyes, was not the Cissnei of his dreams. But she was real, solid and present. He grinned, not bothering to hide his happiness, and reached to caress her bare calf, his thumb rubbing gently. “Hi,” he said.

Cissnei gave him a small, sad smile. “Hi,” she said in return. 

He took it as a good sign that she didn’t flinch from him, that she was here at all, sitting next to him. Although, in the past she would have been as naked as he was, and now she had pulled her shirt closed, cocooned in its loose folds for protection. He felt tears threatening again, and looked away from her, trying to find something to distract himself. 

He hadn’t really noticed the bedroom the night before. It was a small room, mostly filled by the bed they were on. The walls were whitewashed cinderblock, like the rest of the house, and there a small shuttered window. There were hooks on the wall holding a few articles of clothing, and a few of the storage cubes stacked next to them, filled with more clothes and various other items he couldn’t make out. A small trundle bed sat in the corner. His clothes had been folded neatly and placed on the chair standing at its foot. 

“What time is it?” he asked.

“Just after five.” Cissnei leaned forward and snagged another mug from the little table that stood by the bed. She held it out to him, and he struggled into a sitting position and took it from her. Steam rose into his face, soothing its tightness. He remembered she preferred tea in the morning, rather than coffee, and was pleased that some things had not changed.

“Thanks.”

She looked down at her own mug, gripping it with both hands. “Sorry,” she mumbled.

Rude sighed. “I am, too. For so many things.” He took a sip of the tea. It was a perfect temperature for drinking, and cleared his mouth and head surprisingly well for not containing his normal caffeine jolt. 

Her eyebrows went up, questioning him without words.

“When you think someone is dead, you have lots of time for regrets.” His face became grim. 

“Ah.” Cissnei’s expression became cold and distant once more. “It wasn’t my choice to leave,” she said. 

“Were you following orders?” Despite everything, Rude couldn’t help the edge to his voice. 

“No,” she said softly, looking down again. Her hair hung forward and hid most of her face from him.

Rude bit his lip. It was as if there were two conversations going on: the audible one, and one full of unspoken content. “Then, what happened?”

Cissnei sat silently for a couple of minutes. Rude knew she wasn’t going to answer; she had closed him out again, the window of opportunity for rekindling something between them had slammed shut. He should get dressed and leave. His life was elsewhere now. And she had made a life here, not with him.

Then she lifted her head, looking at him, and there was that vulnerability that he had seen in the kitchen last night. The iron shield had been dropped, deliberately this time, and he stayed still, afraid that if he moved he would destroy the moment and scare the mouse back into its hole.

Slowly she took a breath. “I don’t remember a lot of what happened,” she said, and stopped again.

“Tell me what you do remember,” he suggested softly.

Cissnei inhaled slowly. “It was a few months after Zack…after we found Zack.” Her eyes looked past him into bleak memories. “That was a horrible time.” 

He nodded. The chaos and desperation of those years still gave him nightmares. Shin-Ra’s dirty secrets being exposed, one after another; the infrastructure crumbling; the population sliding into open revolt; the Planet starting to rip itself apart; and the remaining Turks trying to maintain some order, salvage something, keep the President safe and their dreams alive. And nothing they did could stem the tide. For every hole they plugged, three more appeared.

“Everyone was so busy. There was no time to think, to process, it was just go go go, twenty-four seven. One night, I was on duty with the President. He was in one of his moods…you know.” She rolled her eyes at Rude, who snorted. He knew. “He wanted a drink. He didn’t want to drink alone. It was the first time I’d had to just sit still and think about things, and everything just came crashing in on me. Genesis, Angeal, Zack…all the failed missions…all _my_ failures.” Her jaw clenched. “I just wanted to forget, for a while.” 

“We had a few drinks. We ended up in bed.” 

Rude clutched his mug, but kept still. “You…and Rufus?”

Cissnei gave a tiny shrug, her face impassive. “We were never exclusive, were we. I know you were with others, especially when you were away on missions. Rufus was one of mine.”

It hurt, but Rude couldn’t argue with that. What she said was true. “Go on.”

She eyed him before continuing, and he knew he wasn’t fooling her. But she didn’t pursue it. He could see her centering and collecting herself. It reminded him of being debriefed on some particularly awful mission. Only by distancing oneself from the events, like one was an observer reporting on a disaster, could one get through certain things and not be destroyed.

Another little shrug. “One minute things were fine, just a bit rough,” she stumbled a little over the word and Rude twitched, “and the next…I don’t know. He flipped me over the side of the bed. I was trying to move because it was uncomfortable, and suddenly it was like knives dragging at me, pulling me back. He wrenched my shoulder out, and I couldn’t move. It all happened so fast.”

Rude tried to keep a cool head and think. Something was bothering him, more than just the obvious. “Rufus did that? He pinned you? How could he even do that?” It didn’t make sense. Rufus wasn’t a weakling, but he was no match for any of the Turks. He should not have been able to keep Cissnei from getting away, even after she’d had a few drinks. Even if she was injured. 

Cissnei scrubbed her hands over her face. “I don’t know. I’ve been over it and over it. I dreamt about it, I still do. The nightmares never leave. I can feel the pain, I can’t move, I hear his voice…it didn’t even sound like him. He was…growling at me. It was so loud. If I didn’t know there was no one there but us I would have sworn it was someone else. But I couldn’t see him, he shoved my face into the mattress, and I must have blacked out from the pain and not being able to breathe. The next thing I remember was Kunsel telling me everything would be okay. And pain. Pain, and…confusion.” She trailed off, her eyes blank again.

“Kunsel told me Tseng had sent me away for my own safety. I didn’t understand that at the time. I didn’t understand that for a long time.” Her mouth twisted. “There are things I’m still trying to figure out. But for so long there was nothing else but getting through each minute, each day. And later, I realized going back was not an option. I wanted to. I wanted to so badly! When I could, I gathered every scrap of information about what was going on that I could. I spent days in Edge watching for all of you, watching you, following you…” The tears welled up in her eyes again but didn’t fall. “I even went to Healin, wanting to find out where you were, what you were doing. But I couldn’t go there often. I think Tseng sensed someone had been poking around. I couldn’t take the chance he’d find me.”

“Did Rufus…” Rude struggled to frame the question without sounding too crass. He gestured to his own chest. “That, too?”

She shook her head. “No. Kotaro did that.”

“What?!” Rude was shocked yet again. “Why? How!” 

“Babies don’t have any self-control. Babies like Kotaro tend to…to cycle through their change very quickly when they feel any strong emotion. He was very hungry that day. Cranky and hungry.”

Cissnei gulped the last of her tea and tossed her hair back, breathing deeply. “Is that what you want to know? Is that everything?”

Rude rubbed his nose, then ran his hand down over his chin, taking in this latest information. Was that everything? He had the facts now. What else was there to say that wouldn’t alienate her? Burdening her with his own feelings of anger and loss at her sudden disappearance would not help. Besides, he thought, she wasn’t stupid. Despite her off-hand dismissal of their earlier relationship, they both knew it was more than just casual, and the grief they had shared with each other last night confirmed that.

But perhaps there was something he could say. It was his turn to ponder, while she waited. He could feel how tense she was where her leg touched his, despite her outward-seeming calm.

“I looked for you,” he said simply. “For over a year. I searched what databases remained; I went to every place I could think of; I called in old debts. But there was no word, no sign of you. Finally Tseng threatened me, told me if I didn’t drop it…well. We were so busy, there were so few of us left. I think I was close to a breakdown at that point.” It was Rude’s turn to retreat into debriefing mode. “I had to stop. I had to accept that you were gone. But like you said, the nightmares, and the dreams, never leave.” He gave a short mirthless laugh. “I have thought many times in the last few weeks that I’m dreaming again…that I’ll wake up soon, and you’ll be gone again.” He had to wait until the lump in his throat subsided so he could go on.

Finally he sighed. “However, assuming this is real…I actually came out here to tell you about Reeve’s plans.” She stiffened, but he had to continue. “He and Rufus have definitely decided to open this area to settlement. Soon. You’ll have time to move,” he avoided using the word evacuate “if you want. Or you could think about staying here. Or,” he looked at her hopefully, “consider coming back. To Healin. With me.”

She closed her eyes and her shoulders slumped in defeat. “They’re coming.”

“They are,” he said softly. “But it doesn’t have to be the end of everything here. Let us help you. We can work together. Let _me_ help you.” He let his hand rest on her calf again, slowly moving it up over her knee and onto her thigh, rubbing gently. “We could start over again…”

He leaned forward, his other hand slipping behind her neck, and caught her lips in a deep kiss. She tasted of peppermint. He supposed he did, too. After a second, she responded, tongue teasing the corner of his mouth, and then sucking on his lower lip briefly. She sighed and broke away from him, but not far, resting her forehead against his. “I’ll think about it, okay?” she whispered.

“Okay,” he said, moving just enough to kiss her cheek, and then nuzzle his against her. His long fingers tangled in her hair and he made a little growl of annoyance. “Why did you have to do this to your hair? I loved your hair,” he pouted.

Cissnei huffed softly, and ran her fingers over his ear, flicking the piercings there gently. She leaned in to nibble on his chin, gliding her hand down along his pec to his nipple, pinching it a little. He hummed with approval.

She kissed him again and then let him go, sliding off the bed to stand next to it. Rude was about to pull her back when she carefully started to unbutton her shirt. He waited, sensing her nervousness. The last button was undone. She hesitated, then slipped the garment off and stood there. She blushed a bit, then her chin came up and she stared at him defiantly. 

Rude knew he was expected to look, and so he did. Slowly and carefully, noting the gnarled red and white gouges he had felt, and the older healed white scars, many of which he was familiar with. Her body was still lean and her muscles defined, but her breasts were fuller, softer and lower, and the missing nipple made them seem strangely lopsided. He could see stretch marks on them, and on her belly. She turned, tossing her shirt onto the chair with his clothes, and he could see how the scars ran from her ribs around onto her backside, marring that once perfect outline, and the area over her right shoulder where it looked like she had been gnawed by a monster. 

But, as she faced him again, he gave her a big, beaming smile. “What,” she said warily, crawling back onto the bed next to him. He laughed, a deep chuckle that came from his chest and bubbled up happily, and he tugged her down to lie next to him.

“Your hair. I missed it so much, and now I find you still have some for me to admire.” She looked at him, mouth hanging open in surprise, and then snapping shut in a squeak as he ran his fingers through the burnished red he loved so well. Red surged into her cheeks, too, as she smiled back at him. Finally he heard her laugh, a small croak that sounded like a rusty hinge grating open, but her eyes sparkled with amusement and that made Rude’s world bright. He pulled her against him, hands on her butt, squeezing and fondling. 

Cissnei sighed in contentment, her smile turning wry. “You haven’t changed,” she said, and he could hear the affection in her voice.

For a moment the lump was there in his throat again, but he fiercely fought it away. He wished desperately he could say the same to her, to turn back time, but he gave her what he could, and it was the truth. “You are still so beautiful.” 

And he kissed her again before she could say anything else.

 

Kunsel tramped along behind the cottages, carrying Kotaro and the overnight bag and whistling a little tune. Kotaro tried to copy him, with no success, but he kept trying, gamely sucking air in and out with great concentration. Kunsel couldn’t help but laugh. “That’s it, buddy, you keep that up and you’ll be driving your mother mad in no time. And Lady Victoria,” he added, thinking of the poor beleaguered fowl. “Although _she_ might like it. What do you think?”

“ffffff!” Kotaro blew at him, and giggled.

“Maybe we’ll get some pancakes this morning. I could sure use some grub.” Kunsel’s stomach gurgled and then so did Kotaro’s, startling them both. They laughed again. “Mara makes good suppers but yogurt and muesli for breakfast just doesn’t cut it, does it?”

They were nearing the back door of Cissnei’s home when Kunsel stopped short. His SOLDIER hearing picked up moans and breathless exclamations coming from the house. Kotaro heard it, too. His hearing was as acute as the man’s enhanced senses. He tensed anxiously, and Kunsel winced as tiny claws pricked his shoulder and chest. “mama?” the child said, and turned to Kunsel, his eyes wide with worry and fear, his scales prominent in his agitation. “mama?”

Kunsel rubbed his back soothingly and bounced him a bit, making shushing noises. “Shh shh, it’s okay, big guy. Your mama is fine. Don’t worry. But I think we’re going to have to go back to Mara’s for a bit. Maybe we can teach her how to make pancakes.” He turned and started back the way they had come. Kotaro looked over his shoulder. “mama,” he whimpered, then hid his face in Kunsel’s neck as he was carried away.


	16. Chapter 16

Chapter 16

 

“It’s a bad idea. It will never work! Don’t go!” Kunsel’s voice had been getting progressively louder. Now he was close to shouting, as he stood and stomped across the kitchen to pour himself more tea. But instead of pouring, he slammed his mug on the counter, turned and stood in the corner, glaring at Cissnei, hands gripping the edges of the counter.

Cissnei sat at the table avoiding his gaze, but her expression was just as angry as his. Rude cleared his throat from where he sat in one of the large chairs. “I think she’s capable of making her own decisions,” he said carefully.

“You shut up!” Kunsel yelled, stabbing a finger aggressively in his direction. “This is all your fault! Coming in here and f…” Cissnei’s head shot up and she gave him a murderous glare, her cheeks red and her eyes narrowed, and he quickly found another word. “...fooling with what was working! It’s too dangerous! If Tseng wanted her back there, he would have contacted her! He would have contacted ME!”

It was late morning, and when Kunsel and Kotaro had arrived back at the little house a couple of hours ago Cissnei had filled Kunsel in on the news Rude had brought. He hadn’t been terribly surprised to hear of the impending incursion into their area, but what had really shocked him was that Cissnei was actually thinking of going back to Healin. Kunsel vehemently opposed this as a viable option.

Rude was becoming more and more uncomfortable. He wished he had had the sense to leave before Kunsel had returned, but he had been so reluctant to tear himself away from Cissnei and burst their little bubble of happiness. Then it was too late, and Cissnei had asked him to stay while she and Kunsel discussed possible courses of action, in case they had any questions. But the conversation had degenerated once Cissnei had broached the idea of coming out of hiding, and now Rude sat as far away from the two of them as possible while they hammered at each other. He glanced at Kotaro, who sat on the floor by Lady Victoria’s nest box. The boy was silent, petting the chicken gently. Occasionally he glanced up at the adults, wincing when one of them shouted or banged something. Rude felt badly for him and wondered why Cissnei allowed him to be in the room while this was going on.

Kotaro looked up at him and their eyes met. Rude crooked his finger at him, waiting while the child hoisted himself up and toddled over. “Would you like to go outside for a while?” he asked quietly. Kotaro nodded, and Rude stood. Cissnei and Kunsel both stopped talking, looking at him.

“Kotaro and I are going out, while you two finish your _discussion_ ,” Rude announced. He reached down and Kotaro took his hand, and they went out the front door. At the last second there was a little flurry by their feet and Lady Victoria joined them, pushing past them to the fresh air. Rude shut the door on surprised silence, and they stood for a minute, blinking in the sun. It was a fine warm day.

Lady Victoria immediately scouted the area and headed for a patch of weeds, busily scratching in the dirt every step or two. “What’s she looking for? Does she ever find anything good?” Rude asked, as they watched the hen. Kotaro seemed to think about this, rubbing his nose and furrowing his brow. He looked up and shrugged, then let go of Rude’s hand and shuffled after the bird, plopping down in the vegetation where she was now scratching, and sighing. Rude followed him, and squatted down near them. The boy seemed unusually quiet today.

“Are you okay?” he asked, eyeing the boy. Perhaps it was his resemblance to Rufus which made the Turk edgy. Something about the boy’s lethargy put him in mind of the President on one of his off days.

“hmn” Kotaro made a little hum that could mean anything. His vocabulary was so minimal, and Rude did not understand most of what he said. So he stayed quiet and observed him.

The child blinked sleepily in the sun. His pale hair flopped over his eyes and he pushed it back impatiently, frowning in irritation. It seemed a trick of the sunlight, but as Rude watched he could see the boy’s scales becoming more prominent and then recede again, like tiny waves lapping gently on a beach. Kotaro was digging absently in the dirt, and Rude could see the difference where tiny claws broke the soil versus where blunt nails had done their job. Suddenly he came up with a fat slug which writhed in his palm, unhappy about being exposed to the sun and air, and he held it up to Rude with a proud smile. “ood!” he grinned.

But then Lady Victoria made a grab for the insect, and accidentally pecked him. Before Rude could move, there was a little growl and Kotaro swiped at her. She squawked and hopped back, head darting in again to grab her prize, then she retreated further to gulp it down. Rude blinked, clearing the sense of vertigo from his head. It took a few minutes this time, but the extended scales receded, and, as Kotaro grumbled to himself and then yawned, there was a perfect view of sharp fangs morphing into normal teeth again. Kotaro seemed tired and cranky, and Rude shivered, remembering what he had done to his own mother when he was only a baby. 

Rude wondered how long they should stay out. He was way overdue getting back to Healin and he was becoming a bit anxious about that. But he didn’t want to interrupt the conversation going on in the house unless it was absolutely necessary and he couldn’t just abandon Kotaro. Finally he rose. “How about getting a drink of water?” he suggested. The boy pushed himself up, ignoring the dirt on his pants and hands, and took Rude’s hand again. They moved slowly to the path behind the cottages, the man keeping to the child’s short steps, his grip helping to steady him over the uneven ground. 

When they reached the pump, Rude had Kotaro stand back a bit while he primed it and got the water flowing. Then he beckoned him forward. “Come here,” he said. “Let’s get those mitts washed. I don’t think your mother would like it if we came back dirty, right?” He grinned at the boy, who obediently held out his hands. Rude rubbed them under the water, washed his own, and then wet the edge of his shirt and wiped Kotaro’s face. Kotaro closed his eyes and stood quietly while Rude cleaned his cheeks, and again Rude was reminded of Rufus.

“Do you know how to drink from your hand?” Rude asked.

“mn!” Kotaro nodded and stuck his hand under the stream of water. But he wasn’t able to cup his hand properly and all he got was a wet palm. He brought this to his mouth and licked it, then tried to reach for more.

“Um,” Rude didn’t want to be too harsh with the child. “Here, let me try. Like this.” He made a cup of his large hand and managed to fill it with water. Kotaro watched as he drank, then tried again, but the water kept running out between his little fingers. He licked his palm again, then decided it would be better to just drink directly from the pump and bent toward it.

“No, no, don’t do that, you’ll get soaked!” Rude pulled him back before he could get wet. But now Kotaro was frustrated as well as thirsty, and suddenly Rude felt a piercing pain. He looked down to find claws sunk into his forearm and Kotaro glaring at him.

Rude froze. He had no idea what to do. Should he jerk away? Push the boy aside? Grab him? Would that make Kotaro even more angry? How badly might he get hurt if that happened? Goddess forbid he hurt Kotaro…he couldn’t even imagine trying to explain that to Cissnei! Or Kunsel. 

The growling coming out of the child put him in mind of Dark Nation. Perhaps his experience dealing with her would come in handy now. Carefully avoiding direct eye contact, Rude tried to relax. He kept his voice low and soothing, and he said whatever came to mind, just trying to appease the boy. “Well, hey, there, what’s this, huh? What’s going on here? That kind of hurts, you know. How about if you let go, huh? Do you think you could do that for me? Hmm? I’m sorry if I scared you. I just didn’t want you to get wet. I know you want a drink. How about if I get the water and you can have a drink from my hand? Would that be okay? You want to try that? We’ll get you a nice drink, and then we’ll go home. How about that, huh?”

Gradually, as he spoke, he could feel the claws release him and the pain decrease. Spots of blood appeared on his shirt and spread, but he ignored them. Kotaro seemed to be listening to him. His pupils became less dilated, his scales became less conspicuous and his body became less tense as Rude nattered on. Finally, he let Rude’s arm go completely, and stood there, looking a bit lost. 

Rude kept his composure. He slowly reached for the pump handle again. “I’ll just get this going again, okay? Here we go…here it comes…” The cool water gushed out of the pump and Rude let it run for a few seconds. Then he cupped his hand again and kept as much liquid as he could in it, moving it gently toward Kotaro. “Here’s the water. Have a drink, like I did, remember? It’s not a lot, but you drink that and I’ll give you some more, okay?” He waited to see what the child would do, trying to keep the water in his palm and his hand from trembling. He might appear calm but he really, really did not want to lose a finger.

Kotaro’s hands came up to hold onto Rude’s, and he bent his head and sucked up what water he could. Rude waited until he was done, then refilled his hand and offered it to him again. After several times, Kotaro seemed satisfied. Rude sighed, and used his shirt again to gently wipe the boy’s face. “Okay,” he said. “Ready to go home?” Kotaro nodded, and together they made their way back to the cottage. 

They entered through the back. It was quiet. Cissnei was pacing and Kunsel was gone. She whirled as they came in. “Where have you been!” she exclaimed. Rude flinched. 

“We went to get a drink of water. At the pump,” he added. “We got a bit damp.”

Cissnei knelt before her son, pushing his hair back and looking at his flushed cheeks. Her eyes flicked to the spots of blood on Rude’s sleeve, then up to his face. He stared back at her stoically. “We just got a drink,” he repeated. “But he seems pretty tired. Even before we left. Maybe he needs a nap.”

“Yes. It’s his nap time,” Cissnei said, rising and lifting Kotaro with her. He put his arms around her neck and laid his head on her shoulder. “Kunsel is looking for him. For both of you. Since you weren’t out front.” She rubbed her cheek on her son’s head. “I think it would be a good idea for you to go now.”

Rude couldn’t agree more. “Yeah, I need to get back, report in, and…yeah.” He headed toward the front door, then paused. “Cissnei…”

She watched him from across the room, her body swaying gently as she rocked the child in her arms. “Go,” she said quietly. “I’ll call you.”

“When?”

“Soon.”


	17. Chapter 17

Chapter 17

 

Back at Healin, Reno gave Rude a dirty look as he opened the door. “Where ya been, yo? Coulda used ya here earlier!” 

“Why? What happened?” Rude’s desire for a relaxing cup of tea evaporated. He could feel the tension in the air and was instantly on high alert. This should be a safe place, so unless there had been a completely unexpected attack…he looked around, swiftly taking things in. The structure was intact, and he hadn’t noticed any evidence of a disturbance outside. Reno looked disheveled, but then again he always did. Then he noticed that the sofa where Rufus liked to sit and soak up the sun was shoved out of place. And there were drops of blood on the floor.

“What happened?” he asked again.

Reno ran a hand through his hair, making it stand up even more. “Shit, man! Was a crazy morning, yo! Boss was in one of his moods, woke up on the wrong side of the bed or somethin’. I gave him his coffee and he was sittin’ on the couch grumblin’ to himself when we heard him do that growly thing…y’know, what he does in his sleep sometimes. Tseng went to check him and suddenly he just went snake. Grabbed his arm and wouldn’t let go. Tseng talked him down but he’d gouged him pretty good, right through his suit, yo!” Reno shook his head. “Weirdest thing. He gets bad sometimes, ’specially since the Geostigma, but this…hasn’t been this bad for a few years, yo.”

“Where is he now?” The back of Rude’s neck was prickling. 

“Sleepin’. Lainey’s sittin’ with him.”

“And Tseng?” Rude's hand went involuntarily to his own arm, touching the small wounds there. 

“Out. Said he had to check somethin’ and he’d be back soon. Didn’t leave till he was sure Rufus was quiet.”

“Hmm.”

“So, was she worth it?” Rude twitched at the abrupt change of subject. He glanced at his partner, who smirked back at him. “Figured she musta been good, yo, for Mr. Punctuality t’be this late!”

Rude’s dusky complexion turned a bit darker and he looked away. A small smile tugged at the corner of his mouth. “…yeah…yeah, she was worth it,” he murmured absently.

Reno snorted and dumped his cold coffee in the sink. He grabbed a bottle from the top shelf of the cupboard and splashed amber liquid into his cup. “Good! Because it’s been a helluva morning!” He gulped it down and refilled his mug. “And I am now officially off duty, yo!” And he took the whiskey and disappeared out the door.

Rude stood for a few minutes, staring at Rufus’ couch and rubbing his forearm. Then he went slowly down the hall to look in on the President and get an update from Elena. 

Rufus woke that evening, sleepy but seemingly normal and with no memory of what had happened earlier. Tseng had replaced his suit jacket with the torn sleeve, and they were all instructed to act as if nothing had occurred. Rufus didn’t seem to notice anything out of the ordinary. He ate his dinner with a good appetite and went back to bed. This time he slept soundly through the night. There were no strange sounds from him, no torn sheets, no night sweats, and he was bright and alert the next day. 

Rude was not sure what to think. These episodes had been occurring for years, but he just assumed they were nightmares related to the past. They all had more than enough experiences to disrupt their sleep for the rest of their lives, and Rufus was no exception. But now he was not so sure. He decided the best course of action would be to keep an eye on Rufus and try to gather more information. After all, that was what Turks did best. No sense jumping to any conclusions.

 

The first scouting mission to the outer rim was set, and Tseng had decided to lead it himself. Reeve spent a lot of time briefing him about what information he needed, and Tseng was preoccupied with juggling him and Rufus. Rude had remembered to get Cissnei's number; he sent a few messages, letting her know when the projected date was and that Tseng would be there, but heard nothing back from her.

During his time off Rude fussed around in his room. He went into a frenzy of cleaning, dusting and sorting, and even changing his bed. Reno teased him, Elena asked him if he needed any help, and Tseng merely raised an eyebrow as he passed his door. Rude had no idea if Cissnei would decide to come back, or, if she did, if she would want to pick up their relationship. But he figured it wouldn’t hurt to have things spic and span, if she were to invite herself in. There were other rooms in the lodge where logically he assumed she would want to stay with Kotaro, but still…part of his mind giddily tried to convince him that if he made things comfortable enough she might decide to bunk with him, at least for a while. Realistically, he knew it was unlikely, but maybe, just maybe, it would work out. 

As time crept by, Rude went into a state of high anxiety. He transferred his phone to his breast pocket. Even though he would hear and feel it if a message came through, he checked it several times a day. Somehow Rufus was the one who kept catching him at it, and this became embarrassing. 

In actual fact, what Rufus had noticed was that the line of Rude’s suit didn’t lie as perfectly as it usually did. The slight bulge in his upper pocket was out of place; it caught Rufus’ eye and offended his attention to fashion detail. He thought Rude had a concealed weapon; instead, he saw him pulling out his phone. “How come you’re carrying your phone in that pocket now?” he asked, after seeing Rude remove it several times in an hour. “Who are you expecting a call from?”

Rude started guiltily, knowing he had given himself away. He became aware of everyone suddenly watching him. “No one,” he mumbled. “It’s just more handy in this pocket.”

“But you’ve never carried it there before!” Rufus insisted. His brow furrowed a bit. “It ruins the fall of your jacket.”

Reno guffawed. “He’s waiting for his girlfriend to call him, yo! One good night, and she promised she’d call but she never did! Poor guy, carrying a torch, yo!”

Rude scowled at his partner, angry that his teasing was so close to the mark. “She’ll call! She…” His mouth snapped shut. He hadn’t meant to say so much.

“Do you have a girlfriend?” Rufus was even more interested now, his eyes wide with mischief and amusement. 

“You do?” Elena asked. “What’s her name? Where did you meet her? What does she look like?” She seemed eager for a topic other than missions and duty.

“No, I don’t! It’s none of your business! I…” And his phone chose that moment to chirp and buzz for all to hear. “Nevermind!” He hustled out onto the deck followed by mocking laughter.

“Hello?” he asked, his voice breathless. “You called! How are you? Are you okay? Is everything okay?”

Cissnei, on the other hand, sounded cool and composed. “Yes. I got your messages about Tseng coming. Thank you.” She paused. “I want to come in,” she said, and Rude couldn’t help breaking out in a silly smile. “I need to see if it will be safe for…for us, before I can decide whether to come back permanently or not.”

“Yes, yes, it will be okay,” Rude reassured her. “Just come. We can talk about this. We can all talk. You’ll be safe, I’ll make sure of that. It’s comfortable, it’s warm, you’ll have a room, there’s running water, indoor plumbing…” He half turned to check and make sure the others couldn’t see or hear him, then faced outward again.

“Rude.” Her voice stopped his rambling. “I just need to find out if it could work out, before I can make a final decision of what to do. It’s a risk, I know this. But if it’s not going well, I won’t stay. And I don’t want you to try and stop me.”

Rude’s shoulders hunched. He gripped the phone tightly, as if he had a hold on Cissnei that way and could keep her from slipping away yet again. He knew that if he didn’t agree to this, she probably wouldn’t come at all. “Alright,” he finally said. “Of course. It’s your choice. Your choice to come, and your choice to stay or leave.”

“Thank you,” she said again. 

“Do you want me to tell them you’re coming? Give them a heads up?” Rude wasn’t sure if this would be a good idea or not.

“No,” she said. Obviously she knew her mind on this. “I don’t want them to have advance warning. I don’t want Tseng to move Rufus. And I want to see his honest reaction. All of their reactions.”

“Alright.”

“Can you pick us up tomorrow? Ten a.m., two blocks south of the market?”

“I’ll be there.”

“See you then.” Cissnei ended the call.

Rude went back inside, making a point of replacing his phone in its normal pocket. Rufus grinned at him. Rude patted the pocket and said to no one in particular, “I told you she’d call.”

Reno snickered.

“Wonderful,” Tseng said. “Now focus. You’re still on duty and we have a schedule to sort out.”

“Yes, sir.” 

 

At a few minutes before ten o’clock the next day, Rude drove slowly through the streets of Edge, avoiding piles of debris and the occasional children who darted out between buildings. He had a couple of hours before he had to pick Reeve up for one last meeting at Healin, and had left early on the pretext of making a supply run before retrieving the engineer. He was dressed in his uniform today. No sense trying to hide who he was, when piloting Rufus’ town car. He knew Cissnei was right to set a place to meet away from the market that she frequented. It would never do for people to see her getting into a Shin-Ra vehicle.

He pulled over at the end of the designated block and killed the motor. In the silence he could hear the engine ticking as it cooled, and his eyes swept the area from behind his shades. The street was empty. He waited, trying to treat this as just another stake out. He checked his watch. One minute after ten. 

A slight anomaly caught his eye. Without moving his head, he focused on a doorway halfway down the block. The irregularity of the door’s outline gradually resolved into the silhouette of a large man wearing a long brown duster and a ball cap pulled low over his face. He stood absolutely motionless, but Rude knew it was Kunsel, watching and waiting. He could practically feel the menace emanating from the SOLDIER. So Cissnei had won her right to make this trip, or Rude knew he would have been torn out of his driver’s seat by now and that would be the end of everything. But that didn’t mean Kunsel was happy about it.

Farther away, two children came into sight. They meandered toward the car, stopping to kick at pebbles and once to pick up a broken brick and use it to draw something crude on the side of a building. They appeared to be an older boy and perhaps his younger sibling, but obviously it was Cissnei and Kotaro, both dressed in the dull, loose clothing of the rim. Kotaro had a knitted toque pulled down over his forehead and pale hair, and both of them were wearing fingerless gloves. 

They slowly approached the car, and then stood bunched together, staring at it warily, totally in character. Rude reached over and popped the passenger door open slightly. After a minute, during which he could see Cissnei’s eyes darting around as she made sure no one was near, she picked up Kotaro and stepped quickly forward, sliding into the front seat beside him, closing the door and scrunching down below the level of the window to avoid being seen. “Go,” she said, and Rude started the car and pulled smoothly from the curb, not making any fuss. He avoided looking at Kunsel as they passed the doorway where he stood, but he could feel the man’s eyes boring into him as they drove away.

When they were on the road back to Healin, Cissnei sat up, Kotaro on her lap. In his hat and the brown and beige clothes, he looked like a little desert mouse. He gripped his mother’s sleeve tightly and stared wide-eyed out the window at the scenery going by. “Has he been in a car before?” Rude asked.

“A few times,” Cissnei said. “We thought it best to make sure he was used to them, just in case.” She didn’t say in case of what, but Rude could imagine. He wouldn’t want to have to deal with a hysterical child in an emergency situation. Especially one with Kotaro’s abilities.

Cissnei pulled Socks out of her jacket and gave the toy to Kotaro, who took it and clutched it to his chest. But he didn’t let go of her sleeve and stayed quiet. “It’s not a long drive,” Rude tried to sound reassuring, but he was nervous himself. Surreptitiously he took one hand off the wheel to wipe his palm on his pant leg.

“I know,” Cissnei glanced at him and gave him a little smile. Kotaro leaned back against her and her arms circled him protectively. They both stared straight ahead, he in wonder, she with an impassive face

They arrived at the lodge and parked at the bottom of the staircase. Rude hesitated, then left the keys in the ignition. Cissnei noted this, and nodded at him. An old habit for quick getaways.

“It’ll be fine,” Rude said. He wanted to give her a reassuring hug, but sensed this was not the time. She had retreated again, put up the wall, put up her shield. He couldn’t blame her. He didn’t know if he could do what she was doing now, venturing into the dragon’s den, confronting those who had hurt her and sent her away. And bringing her child with her. But as he watched her lift Kotaro out of the car and set him on her hip for the climb upward, he knew that was why she was taking this risk. Not for herself at all, and not for him, but for her child. To give Kotaro the opportunities he deserved. To give him his birthright. She had risked her life to bring him into this world, fought for both their lives at that time, and hadn’t stopped fighting since. This was yet another battle for her.

Rude chanced putting his hand on her shoulder briefly, and slid it down her back in a caress he hoped would convey his love and support. Then he stepped in front of her, respecting her distance and her strength, and led the way up.

Reno heard them coming up the stairs as he was making a fresh pot of coffee. “Rude’s back with grocs,” he called over his shoulder. “Maybe he got you your cookies. And my jerky.”

Rufus looked up from his tablet at the mention of cookies, then cocked his head. “Is Reeve here, too? I didn’t think he was coming this early.”

Reno turned just as Rude opened the door. “Who’s with you, yo?” He could see the sheen of sweat on his partner’s brow and his suspicions flared. “Elena!” he barked, moving swiftly to put himself between Rufus and the door. 

“Relax,” Rude lifted a hand in a calming motion, then stepped a bit to the side. Cissnei let Kotaro slide to the floor and stood holding his hand, head up, making no attempt to hide her face as she had in her first meeting with Rude.

“C-Ciss…” Reno stuttered to a stop and his mouth hung open.

“What…what…” Across the room Rufus was up and trying to shove Elena out of the way to see better. “Cissnei? Is that Cissnei? I thought she was dead! Cissnei! Is that you?”

“Its me,” Cissnei said quietly, her raspy voice quiet but audible. 

“Rude…” Reno swallowed. “Rude…”

“Cissnei!” Rufus was coming toward her. “Your voice…where have you been? Why…what…” His words were tumbling over themselves, he couldn’t seem to finish with one thought before another burst out. Then it registered that she was not alone. “Who…who is that?”

Reno was staring at Kotaro, his fair skin becoming even paler and the marks on his cheekbones standing out even more.

Cissnei let Kotaro’s hand go. She gently pulled off his little gloves, and then plucked his hat off. The blond hair fluffed out with static then fell across his forehead, hiding the scales that had been momentarily revealed. “This is Kotaro,” Cissnei said. “Kotaro, this is Reno. And that’s Elena. And that’s Rufus.” She pointed out each in turn. Kotaro paid attention, following her finger attentively. “Can you say hello?”

Kotaro clutched his stuffed Guard Hound, squeezing it spasmodically. There were a lot of big people here and it was a strange place. Then he smiled shyly. “lo” he said. He looked up at Cissnei, who nodded at him, and he took a couple of steps forward, holding out his Hound.

Rufus was frozen, staring at the miniature replica of himself. He blinked and the scales on the back of the child’s hands came into focus. Panic and revulsion swept over him, he felt like he was drowning, suddenly back in a nightmare, he couldn’t breathe…then he was scrambling backward, falling over a chair, frantically trying to get away. “TSENG! TSENG!”

“Aw, hell no!” Reno moved so fast Rude hardly saw him. Two steps, and the red-haired Turk had grasped the child’s head and shoulders; there was a soft pop, and Kotaro dropped to the floor like a discarded doll, his head at an angle that shouldn’t be. 

With a harsh cry like a dying hawk Cissnei was on Reno, kicking, biting, clawing, all the while making horrible incoherent choking screams. Blood spattered and Reno’s yells added to the noise as he staggered back, his left eyeball hanging half out of the socket, trying to fend off Cissnei’s frenzied attack.

Rude was moving forward, trying to grab Cissnei and pull her away, and then Tseng was there. He appeared behind Reno and yanked him backward. It was enough to unbalance Cissnei slightly and clear a small space between them. The crack of Tseng’s handgun abruptly silenced her. In slow motion, Rude saw Cissnei’s hand go to her chest. Her mouth was open. Her eyes briefly held his. Then she collapsed, as boneless as Kotaro, who lay a couple of feet away. Her arm flopped toward him, but she was too far to bridge the distance between them. 

Rude dropped to his knees in stunned horror and disbelief. His hand shook as he reached to touch her, hovered over the spreading stain on her chest. A trickle of blood appeared at the corner of her mouth. There were no last words, no chance to say good-bye. She was gone. Her heart had been shattered the instant Reno laid hands on her son. The bullet just finished the job. 

The roaring in Rude’s ears was deafening, and he could hear his own harsh gasps. His vision wavered and he felt like he was in a black tunnel that was closing in on him. A corner of his mind registered Reno’s moans and the sound of Rufus repeatedly retching and vomiting. 

Tseng holstered his weapon. He looked at Elena, who was staring at him in complete shock, her fists crammed against her mouth. “Take care of him.” He jerked his chin at Rufus.

He crouched next to Kotaro, pushing back the boy’s bangs to see his forehead, taking his chin and turning his face from side to side. He picked up one of the child’s hands, briefly running his finger over the scales on its back; scales that had faded to a dull grayish-green.

He rose, took a step to Cissnei’s side. He stood looking down at her for a few seconds, his face cold and closed. Then he turned, grabbed a dish towel from the kitchen cupboard, reached down and hauled Reno up by his arm and pushed the towel against his eye. Reno screamed and Tseng tightened his grip. “Come,” he said. “we’ll go get this fixed.”

He guided Reno toward the door, supporting him with a hand under his elbow. He glanced down at Rude as they passed. “Clean up this mess,” he said, and then they were gone.

Rude knelt in the spreading pool of blood, ignoring it as it soaked through his pants. He swayed and slipped to one side, putting out a hand to stop himself from falling over completely, and ended up sitting on the floor. Slowly he reached out, brushing that ugly, alien black hair away from Cissnei’s cheek, then pulled her onto his lap and hugged her close to him, rocking her, his face buried in her neck. He couldn’t make a sound. He felt his heart breaking, too, and the pain was so bad he thought he would die. His world had ended a second time, and he didn’t know if he wanted to survive it. 

Her blood seeped into his clothes, into his very flesh, gluing them together as he sat there with her cooling body.

 

The shadows were growing long when Kunsel finally left his post. Dust swirled around his boots with each step as he made his way into the market, looking for a hot drink to ward off the night’s chill while he waited for his charges to come back.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was where I had originally planned to end the story. However, I have been persuaded that there is more to tell. It will be a few weeks before I can update again, but then things shall continue. :)


End file.
